Féca: If I had a dollar for every time someone called me ugly I’d have 0 dollars bitch you thought lmao.


-


Darren: How do you feel, Daria?

Daria: I don’t.


-


Karkat: I thought I was in a bad mood, but it’s been a few years so I guess this is who I am now.


-

   
Vincent: I actually have cat-like reflexes.
   
Daria: Prove it, then.
   
Vincent: *sees a cat*
   
Vincent: *instantly* I like that cat.


-


Luciano: So what do you like in bed?

Alfred: Sleeping.


-

Francis: On a scale of one to ten, what do you rate me?

Arthur: …Excuse me?

Francis: Like on the hot scale, where do you rate me?

Arthur: I’m gay, not a thermometer.

Francis: But if you WERE a thermometer-

Arthur: Eight and a half.

Francis: YES!

-


Mary: Roses are red, romance is dead, every day I suffer from, existential dread.


-


Daria: I need an adult.

Karkat: You are an adult??

Daria: I know.


-


Carmin: (eating a cinnamon roll)

Pity: Cannibalism.

Carmin: (confused chewing noises)


-


Robert: [whittling a piece of wood]
   
Mary: What are you making?
   
Robert: A knife to stab all you people with.
   
Mary: Well, why don’t you use the knife?


-


Karkat: Sometimes Dirk can be a straight up dumbass.

Dave: [chokes]

Karkat: What?

Dave: Sorry, I just thought I’d never hear “Dirk” and “straight” in the same sentence.


-


Aaron: WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Pity: You'll have to be more specific, I do a lot of 'what the fuck' stuff.


-


(After a hard working day)

Darren, crying: Well, it’s been a great day today. *wipes aways tear streaks*

Darren: Can’t wait for tomorro- *breaks down sobbing*


-


Berwald: WHY DID YOU FILL THE FIRST AID KIT WITH CHEETOS ?!

Matthias, bleeding out: I thought it was funny at the time.


-


Luciano: I’m ignoring you

Alfred:

Luciano: I said I’m ignoring you!

Alfred:

Luciano: Stop ignoring me ignoring you!!!


-


Arthur: Hey, what does “je ne sais pas” mean?
   
Francis: “I don’t know”
   
Arthur: Fine, then don’t tell me.


-


Darren : Well, Terezi, you’re the first person in history to ever start a fire with water.

Terezi : Thanks!

Darren : Not really a compliment.


-


John: I can’t wait for April fools. Should be fun!

Terezi: Why do you need April fools? You’re whole life is a joke!


-


Carmin: Remember, murder is never the answer!

Aaron: Right, murder is the question.

Aaron: And the answer is always yes.

-


Vanellope: *gets bad idea*

Vanellope: Guys, great idea!


-


Sylan, at Francis: Excuse my French but you're being a real douchebaguette.


-


Aaron: Why are you crying?

Carmin: I’m having an allergic reaction

Aaron: To what?

Carmin: Life


-


Darren: so I’ll start by introducing myself. I’m-

Vincent: *enters the room*

Darren:

Darren: very gay and very single

Spéciale matsuno, après m'être perdue sur tumblr et les incorrect quotes sur eux QAQ


Jyushimatsu: rides shopping cart through the mall WOOOOHHHHH!!!
Karamatsu: JYUSHIMATSU– nO-

-------

Todomatsu: This is perfect for my blog.
Choromatsu: Stop taking pictures of your own feet walking.

----------

Karamatsu: Do you guys…Hate me..?
All: Shrugs

------------

Todomatsu: Your so great and adorable, Totty!
Todomatsu: Aww~! no, you~!
Karamatsu, watching Todomatsu: …Honestly, ain’t a bad idea–

-----

Choromatsu: Hey, you're blocking the view!
Todomatsu: I am the view.

-----

Todomatsu : Please pray for my brothers. there is nothing wrong with them they’re just ugly.

----
Choromatsu: You spent $68 on hair conditioner?
Karamatsu: A small price to pay for self-esteem, Choromatsu.
---
Choromatsu: Oh my god, did you put glitter in the laundry detergent?
Karamatsu: I’m experimenting with some new ideas. That one’s called Sparkle Suds. Dress loud.
Choromatsu: Will you stop putting glitter in everything? This morning you put glitter in the butter!
Karamatsu: Disco Dairy. Spread the party.
-----
Jyushimatsu: Anime? Isn't that a kind of cartoon for small kids?
Choromatsu: Oh my GOD!!! Anime isn't just for kids! It's deep! IT'S EMOTIONAL!!!
Jyushimatsu: Is (the sound a baby makes) an emotion?
Choromatsu: YEah 'cause IT's HoW I'm FEELinG RIGHT NOW!!!!

Mother : This is the most stupid, irresponsible, dangerous thing you have ever done! Is this what you want? Will we have to identify your charred little bodies through their dental records? I want a straight answer! Who did this?

Merida : Harold did it !

Harold : Merida did it !

Merida : I didn’t do it !

Harold : I didn’t do it !

Rapunzel : We’re going to the dentist ?

•••

Merida : Harold, if you’re lying, so help me God…

Harold : I’m not lying ! Rapunzel saw it too.

Merida : Rapunzel is easily led.

Rapunzel : Thank you...

•••


Rapunzel : I’m going to get soup.

Lovino : Be careful not to burn yourself, it’s hot.

Rapunzel, leaving the room : Pff, I’m not going to burn myself !

[30 seconds later]

Rapunzel, entering the room : I burned myself...

•••

Izuku : Good morning.

Tsuyu : Good morning.

Some guy : Good morning.

Toshinori : You all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit.

Katsuki, entering the room : MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS.

•••

Katsuki : Why didn’t you tell me?!

Izuku : Because of your tendency to overreact!

Katsuki : *exploding the table in a fit of rage* I do NOT overreact!


•••


(En référence au bal)

Alfred : John is one of my best friends.

John : *doing the Fortnite dance*

Alfred : I lied. I don’t know this boy.

•••

Rapunzel : Are you okay ?

Alfred : You look tired. 

Terezi : What happened to you ?

Yumeko : Are you sick ?

Shikamaru : You look confused.

John : Are you mad at me ?

Karkat : IT’S MY FACE

•••

Rapunzel : *singing and playing guitar*

Evalyn : Do you take requests?

Rapunzel : Sure !

Evalyn : Please stop.

•••

[Rustling in the bushes]

Lovino : It's probably just a rabbit.

Rapunzel : Hello ?

Lovino : It's a rabbit, Rapunzel. It's not gonna answer you.

•••

Katsuki : Let’s go, Deku.

Izuku : Go where?

Katsuki : Blow off some steam. I need to hit something.

Izuku : *looks worriedly at Tsuyu* What...?

Tsuyu : I think he meant you, Midoriya.

•••

Harold : Toss me my keys!

[Rapunzel chucks a printer at Harold and misses him.]

Harold, irritated : I said my keys!

Rapunzel : I thought you said printer!

Harold, exasperated : Why the fuck would I say printer?

•••

Darren : Why anyone would want to hurt Daria?
Pastora : Because they met her?

----

Kiku : Do I look straight?
Arthur : Not in the slightest.
Kiku : No, I mean my parking job.
Arthur : Oh, in that case then yes it's fine.

----

Ciri : [does sutpid shit]
Feliciano : [contributes significantly to have the shit done]
Kiku : professor do I need my parents signatures allowing me to commit murder

----

Katsuki : Stop volunteering to take your shirt off. No one's asking you to take your shirt off.
Damen : Can't hear you, shirt's over my ears!

----

Harold : Did you eat my powdered donuts?
Agathe : *mouth full of donuts* no
Harold : Then what's that white powder on your jeans?
Agathe : that's cocaine.

----

Peter : You know, on second thought, gum would be perfection.
Aaron : [gives him a strange look and hands him a piece of gum]
Peter : [thinking] Gum would be perfection. Gum would be perfection. I could have said gum would be nice, could have said I'll have a stick. But no no no no no, for me, gum is perfection. I loathe myself.

----

Crowley : [kicks the door open, looking panicked]
Aziraphale : What did you do?!
Crowley : NOBODY DIED
Aziraphale : WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT??

----

Arthur : Francis, can we get a dog?
Francis : No! Dogs shed too much.
Arthur : Oh, come on. We can get a non-shedding one. What's your real problem?
Francis :
Arthur :
Francis :
Arthur :
Francis : What if its fur is nicer than my hair?

----

Tsuyu : You need to apologize, be a man.
Katsuki : I don't want to be a man. I want to be an angst ridden teenager who can't confront his own inner demons and takes it out verbally on others instead.
Tsuyu : Well, you're doing an fantastic job then.

----

Raiponce : Have a good day!
Evalyn : Don't tell me what to do.

----

Jesse : Hey, guess what this jumper is made out of?
Genji : Boyfriend material?
Jesse : No, its 100% wool.
Jesse : I'm a wolf in sheep's clothing.

Un petit tas d'Incorrects tirées de la série Daria. Vous reprendrez bien un peu de sarcasme dans votre café noir ? <3




Feca : Michelangelo painted this.
John : I'm not stupid. I know the Ninja Turtles aren't real.



Naruto : Sensei! I asked you a question!
Kakashi : I’m aware that you’ve asked me a question, however, given that it’s a stupid question, I’ve decided to ignore it.



Ricky : *looking around in closet*
Ricky : What should I change into?
Lovino : A better person.



Karkat : Darren, can you not say “LOL"? It makes me uncomfortable.
Shiro : But can I say it ?
Karkat : No.
Darren : LOL



Aaron : When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying “haven’t decided yet” is typically a good response.



Yennefer : I like that we say “Oh, man” to express disappointment. Because men, in fact, are disappointing.



Gabriel : Don’t talk to me when I have headphones on.
Daria : But you always have headphones on?
Gabriel : Well, look who’s catching on.



Aaron : In the past, I have been a little...abrupt, with people. But the doctor said if I can’t find a new way to relate more positively to my surroundings, I’m going to die.
Aaron :
Aaron : I'm going to die.



Alexander : There’s too many people in this world. We need a new plague.



Vanellope : Wait, I’m having one of those things. You know, a headache with pictures.
Seiya : …
Seiya : An idea?



Hugo : Is it okay if I swear?
Shikamaru : Yes, Hugo, I'll allow you to swear.
Hugo : ...
Hugo : ... f -
Hugo : ff -
Shikamaru : Yes, go on.
Hugo : I'm nervous.



Sylan : Not everyone is going to think I’m pretty, and that’s okay!
Sylan : ...
Sylan : They are wrong, though.



Terezi : We make a great team, don’t we?
Gamzee : You were absolutely no help whatsoever.



Daria : Got to say, your talent for alienating people is pretty near miraculous.
Aaron : Yes, I’m very proud.



Darren : How can you not care?
Kakashi : Like this.
Kakashi : *shrugs*



Vincent : I didn’t want to ruin your opinion of me. You guys put me up on a pedestal and think I’m perfect.
Litteraly everyone : No, no. No one thinks that.



Francis : Remember when Arthur made that romantic dinner for me?
Mabel : Francis, he microwaved you a pizza.



Mikasa : I’m hardcore, made of steel, and haven’t felt an emotion since 1987.
Merida : I caught you crying over baby seals just two hours ago.



Lovino : I’m saying ‘excuse me’ but I mean ‘why the fuck are you and your friends fucking standing in the middle of the hallway blocking everyone what the fuck you fucker’.



Aguta : What if rocks are actually soft but just tense up when we touch them?
Amaqjuak : How high are you?
Aguta : Yes.



Shikamaru : If you wake up while McDonald's is still serving breakfast, you're doing good.
Alfred : Doesn't McDonald's have all-day breakfast?
Shikamaru : If you wake up at all, you're doing good.



Sylan : Why is this happening to me? God, are you punishing me because my hair is better than yours?



Bakugou : Do you ever feel the urge to tell someone to shut the fuck up even when they aren’t talking?



Aaron : In honor of the winter solstice, I also will be cold, distant, and filled with darkness.
Aaron : *looks at a tombstone* God, I wish that were me.
Litteraly everyone : Fucking edgelord.



*Pendant la quête du Snargalouf*
Mikasa : Would this be an appropriate time to panic?
Star : Probably...yeah...
Mikasa : *screams*



*Après la quête du Snargalouf*
Star : Is Karkat going to be okay, Idun?
Idun : Apart from being living proof that we’re doomed as a species, he’s fine.



Shikamaru : I failed the exercise test.
Hinata : How?
Shikamaru : They asked me to run and I said no.



Sylan : Don’t be shy, baby. Ask me out.
Feca : Okay, get out.



Alexander : *walking through the dome* There seems to be no sign of intelligent life anywhere.



Francis : "Sleepy" is so much cuter than "tired". Everyone needs to stop saying "tired" and say "sleepy”.
Arthur : I'm so sleepy of your shit.



Geralt : I can’t tell any of the students apart half the time because I don’t go by height or age or appearance.
Geralt : I go by the amount of pain in my ass.
Geralt : Which makes almost all of them identical.



Jesse : Don’t judge me.
Hanzo : Sorry, I was actually speechless cause I was so in the process of judging you silently.



Shikamaru : I woke up.
Naruto : Um...good job?
Shikamaru : Thanks. I'm done for today.



Feca : Oh my god I hate when kids scream in public.
Feca : You have no real problems. It should be me screaming. ME.



Terezi : Pardon the intrusion-
John : On this moment, or my life in general?



Darren : I can't be around people who are just fueled by bitterness and negativity.
Every f- adult in there : Well then, what are you doing here?



Karkat : Can I be excused?
Yennefer : You need to go to the restroom?
Karkat : Nah, I just hate you.



Carmela : Where are they all gone?
Darren : Oh, they went out.
Carmela : But they’re grounded !
Darren : ...Oh, are they not allowed out when they're grounded…?



Puhnan : Ricky, don't you wanna use your popularity for a good cause?
Ricky : No.



Peter : Remember that time you dared me to lick the swing set?
Lynn : No, I said “Peter don’t lick the swing set”, and you said “don’t tell me what to do” and then you licked the swing set.



Isaac : I wasn't crying, I just caught something in my eye.
Lùcio : What did you catch?
Isaac : TEARS.



Shikamaru : You’re up early. What time is it?
Hinata : 5 PM.
Shikamaru : Darnnit! I slept through my afternoon nap.



Jake : I know we don't always see eye-to-eye on things…
Dirk : That's because you're too short.



Sylan : Face it. Our chemistry is undeniable.
Chloe : You know what else is undeniable?
Sylan : What?
Chloe : The pain this fork is gonna cause when I jam it into your eye.



Daria : Feli, Lovi, you’re brothers. You shouldn’t be fighting. It should be you against the world. All you have is each other.
Vincent : Daria, your sister is on the phone.
Daria : Tell that bitch to go to hell !!



Jesse : Yeah, we're best friends but I'd kiss you if you'd asked.
Hanzo : *blushing* ...what?
Jesse : *also blushing* What?
Gabriel : *not looking up from his book* He said she'd kiss you if you'd asked, Hanzo.



Peter : This is the prime of my life. I’m young, beautiful and full of-
Carmin : Poor life choices.



Tenya : I sort of did something and I need your advice. But I don’t want a lot of judgement and criticism.
Bakugou : And you came to me?!



Carmin : Words ending in “ie” are so cute. Like “cutie,” “sweetie,” “cookie”...
Aaron :  "die".



Amaqjuak : Are you high?
Aguta : Am I what?
Amaqjuak : High.
Aguta : Hello.

Si Daria fait du spécial Daria, je repars sur du spécial Homestuck !



Darren : [Having a really long speech about birds]
Darren: Are you still following?

Narration :  Say “oh, yeah. totally.”

Terezi: Oh, yeah. Totally.

___

Geralt: You haven’t been feeling anything like that, right?
Daria: What, about getting to know my ultimate self?
Geralt: Yeah.
Daria: Man I've barely got a hold of my basic ass self.

___

Carmin: People don't love me.
Peter: You're breaking my heart dude.
Peter: Brb, gonna hit the toilets for a quick power sob.

___

Tenya: We could even create our own Student Council. With my seriousness and my knowledge of the rules, and your big loud mouth...
Katsuki: WHAT THE FUCK.
Tenya: Um, I guess also your charisma and likability ?
Katsuki: Which I don't have ???
Tenya: Oh, also, your sincere humility.
Katsuki: I prefer the term "Self loathing".

___

Aaron: I mean, yeah, I woke up to my inner potential for gayness in a big way.
Aaron: But then I just kind of pressed the snooze button and rolled back over because it was kind of scary.
Peter: Holy fucking shit.
Peter: There’s a gay snooze button????
Aaron: Yes, there is a gay snooze button.
Peter: Wow.

___

Et on repasse aux quotes de base.

___

Karkat: Why are you naked?
Jack: ...I have no clothes.
Karkat, opening his closet: You have lots. Like this shirt, this coat, hi Gabriel, these jeans-

___

Terezi: Why don’t you have a lover yet?
John: Because I don’t want one. Why don’t you have one?
Terezi: Because you don’t want one.

____

Arthur: That guy is an idiot.
Arthur, realising it's Francis: Holy shit, that's my idiot.

___

Vincent: This is my wall of achievements
Daria: Its just a picture of Minou.
Vincent: Minou is the greatest achievement of my life of course it is just Minou.

___

Vanellope: [Ordering a cake]
Employee: And what would you like your cake to say?
Vanellope, turning to Amber: Do we want a talking cake?

___

Jake: What is a metaphor?
Dirk: My life is a trainwreck.
Jake: I know, but what’s a metaphor?

___

Féca, walking into the kitchen: Is something burning?
Caleb, winking: Only my desire for you.
Féca: Caleb, the toaster is on fire.

___

Tsuyu: I’m Katsuki's emergency contact.
Medic: Ah, are you here to pick him up?
Tsuyu: No, I’m here to remove myself as his emergency contact.

___

Kenneth: Is there anyone here who's NOT gay?
John: [Raises hand]
Oliver: [Pulls John's hand down]

___

Luciano: Then Dave will go with Terezi and John.
Karkat: Yes, my fantasy threesome!
Luciano:
Karkat: ...of friends.

___

Shikamaru: Can you pass the salt?
Terezi: Can you pass your classes? >:]
Shikamaru: ...Too much salt

___

Arthur: Maybe I’m dreaming. Pinch me.
Sylan: [pinches him]
Arthur: Not on the butt.
Sylan: Sorry. It was just right there.

Gabriel: live fast, die young, and leave behind a pretty corpse— that's what i always say
Jack: maybe you should say something else

*

Darren: thank you for agreeing to see me
Daria: i didn't...? you just appeared out of nowhere and started talking

*

Clémentine: the only thing i have to critique about the little mermaid remake is that the idea of a mermaid giving up the entire whole ocean and eternal life for a human man is propaganda

*

Peter: you know, ketchup is technically a smoothie
Aaron, trying to read: listen, i do love you, but you're really testing me today

*

Dave: and then god said, “in this world, it's yeet or be yeeten”
Karkat: you've now lost your talking privileges

*

Oliver: i'm going to the kitchen. do you guys want anything?
Aaron: vodka
Clémentine: red wine
Oliver: it's seven in the morning???
Clémentine: fine... white wine then
Aaron: and for me a toast
Aaron: with vodka

*

Alfred and Luciano, watching a film:
Alfred, seductively: [whispers] you know, i can think of something more fun than this that we could be doing
Luciano: [smirks] like what?
Alfred: eating that superb cheesecake they sell at that cafe near the park

*

Peter: Aaron can be really adorable when he's drunk
Peter: well, one time he tried to fight my door, but we don't talk about that

*

Kenneth: dogs deserve to live forever
Amber: and people don't?
Kenneth: absolutely not

*

Carmin: i did something terrible...
Aaron: it's okay, i have a shovel
Carmin: wait a moment— shovel? what do you think i did?
Aaron: it doesn't matter, no one will ever know

*

Gabriel: i have a permit
Jack: Gabriel, that's just a regular piece of paper that says, “i can do what i want”
Jack: and you didn't even sign it

*

Aaron: ... is that blood?
Peter: ... no?
Aaron: that's not a question you should answer with another question

*

Luciano: Karkat has a point here
Karkat: don't agree with me, it makes me uncomfortable

*

Terezi: don't worry, i have the whole situation under control
[-something in the kitchen catches on fire, the oven explodes, the fire alarm goes off-]
Shikamaru:
Terezi: ... ignore that

*

John, holding a bag of marshmallows: do you think i can fit fifteen marshmallows in my mouth?
Karkat: you're a danger to society and to yourself, an utter disgrace that ruins everything
Dave: and a coward— do twenty

*

Robert: don't stress your pretty head over it, i've got some knives up my sleeve
Mary: i think you mean "cards"
Robert, pulling out three different types of knives out of his sleeve: i said what i said

*

Eridan: as your best friend,—
Karkat: you're not even remotely close to my best friend
Eridan: AS YOUR BEST FRIEND,

*

Alfred: it's just that you can be a bit judgmental
Karkat: what a dumb thing to say. name one time when i’ve been judgmental
Alfred:
Karkat: oh, i see. mere seconds ago

J'avais envie d'en faire un petit peu krkrkr



John: I need you to swear-
Karkat: fuck
John:
John: I meant like promise

*

Alfred, t-posing in the doorway: Good evening, parental figure.
Arthur, not looking up from his eggs: Good morning, problem child.

*

Vincent: Well, well, well, well, well,well,well,well, well...
Daria: You've forgotten what you were going to say, haven't you?

*

Kenneth: Oh, so when crows remember who wronged them it’s “intelligent” and “really cool”, but when I do, it’s “petty” and I “need to let it go”.

*

Kenneth, at 3am: If a plant is sad, do other plants photosympathize with it?
Alfred: [whispers] 'I chlorofeel you, man'
Kenneth, tearing up: Oh my god

*

Arthur's first hour watching baking shows: wow these people are so talented
Arthur’s 23rd hour: idc how good her fondant is, if kathy doesnt add more buttercream to that mixture her consistency is going to be all off
Francis: Arthur you have never baked in your entire goddamn LIFE

*

Luciano: Alfred help me! I just got bitten by a snake!
Alfred: frantically typing on google
Google: Elevate and apply pressure.
Alfred, lifting snake really high: You better apologise.

*

Keith: Mum, it's time to stop treating us like children! And it's also time to stop feeding us dragon shaped chicken!
Mum: But you love your dragon nuggets.
Arthur: We're adults now, Mum! Tell her, Kenny!
Kenneth, playing with his dragon nuggets: RAWRRRRR RAWRRRR

*

Francis: You’re everything I could ever want
Arthur: You must have depressingly low standards

*

Karkat: Can you please stop calling peanut butter that?
Dirk: What's wrong with "sticky nut juice"?
Karkat: Everything. Every-fucking-thing..

*

Jack: Don’t you miss the vivid happiness of childhood?
Gabriel: I wouldn’t know. Never had one.
Jack: Happiness or a childhood?
Gabriel: Yes.

*

Hanzo: Now, let's say you haven't eaten for days and you're in desperate need of a sandwich. What do you do?
Laurent: I have my house elf make me a sandwich.
Hanzo: Okay, yes. But the elf's not there.
Francis: Where's the elf?
Hanzo: It's not important where he is. He's gone. He left the country.
Francis: He left the country? Why? Is he okay?
Hanzo: Yes, he's fine.
Laurent: Well, if he's fine, I don't see why he couldn't make me a sandwich.

*

Kenneth: I’m friendly, I’m loyal, I’m energetic…
Kenneth: I just described a dog, didn’t I?
Arthur: Well yeah, but people love dogs.

*

Karkat: Oh, so only roosters are allowed to start the day with screaming?

*

Kidnapper: We have your boyfriend.
Arthur: You kidnapped Francis? Francis Bonnefoy?
Kidnapper: Yes.
Arthur: Okay. Good luck with that.

J'en avais quelques unes dans mon portable du couup...voilà ! Pardon d'avance si jamais j'ai mal interprété un personnage !!

•••

Evalyn : You're not as charming as you think you are.
Damianos : I'm precisely as charming as I believe I am, to the decimal place.

•••

Kenneth : Do you know what I’ve realized?
Arthur : That some thoughts are better left unexpressed ?
Kenneth : Nice try.

•••

Karkat, teaching John how to drive : Okay, you’re driving, and Alfred and Terezi walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit ?
John : No one, of course ! I would never hurt my friends !
Karkat, massaging his temples : The brakes, John. You hit the brakes.

•••

Katsuki : Do I look nice?
Izuku : You look like you're about to set someone on fire...
Katsuki : Perfect.

•••

Rapunzel : Flynn says I’m “cute af”, which I assume stands for “and fun” !
Alfred : Aww… it doesn’t.

•••

[Karkat and Terezi get mistaken as a couple]

John : Can I joke about this later ?
Karkat & Terezi : NO !

•••

Amber [on the phone] : Vane, you okay?
Vanellope : I’m mostly confused... I’m not sure how orange correlates with black in a way that’s new !
Amber : Step away from the Netflix.

•••

Lovino *parking the car* : Can you get a table ?
Rapunzel : Sure !

[A few minutes later]

Rapunzel *sprinting out of the restaurant carrying a table* : START THE CAR !

•••

John : 911, what is your emergency?
John : What do you mean, you’re being murdered?
John : That’s illegal! People can’t do that!

•••

Shikamaru in the winter : How do you expect me to do things it’s fucking freezing outside.

Shikamaru in the summer : How do you expect me to do things it’s fucking hell outside.

•••

Terezi : Could you please not Karkat this into a worse situation than it already is?
Karkat : Hold on, did you just use my name as a verb?

•••

Karkat : I’m not needy.
Alfred : Karkat, you’re the definition of needy. Remember that one time you called me at 3 in the morning to make sure we were still friends ?

•••

John : I’m not good at saying no, okay? One time I left a flea market with a samurai sword.

•••

Amber : Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.
Mikasa : Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Rapunzel : Philosophy is wondering if that means ketchup is a smoothie !
Evalyn : Common sense is knowing that ketchup isn’t a smoothie, you nasty.

•••

Peter : I’m sorry to have to tell you that, but you have a heart and therefore, the capacity of feeling emotions.
Aaron : You take that back.

*

Alfred : What’s for diner?
Francis : Tonight I’m serving look.
Arthur : We haven’t eaten in four days.

*

Alfred : I need you to swear.
Karkat : Fuck.
Alfred :
Alfred : I need you to promise.

*

Féca : You really are campaigning for asshole of the year, aren’t you?
Crowley : As the defending champions, are you nervous?

*

Damen : Here’s a list of all the things that are wrong with you.
Laurent : There’s nothing on it?
Damen : I know.

*

John : This person is annoying me.
Alfred : Shoot them.
Terezi : Break their bones.
Karkat : Ruin so bad their life that they’ll never recover.
John : Y’all are terrible people.

*

Clémentine : I hate going to the kitchen and realising that I’m the only snack in the house.

*

Karkat : We have to think. How do you usually get yourselves out of a mess?
Alfred : We don't.
Luciano : We make a bigger mess that cancels the first one.

*

Kenneth : It's hating myself o'clock.
Karkat : We live in the same time zone.

*

Aaron: *is mumbling something in Latin*
Peter (standing in a circle of salt) : For the last time, I'm not a demon and you can't exorcise me.

*

Kanaya : We don't swear in this house.
Karkat (from afar) : Fuck you you fucking son of a bitch!

*

Clémentine : What's the height of stupidity ?
Oliver : Don't know.
Oliver : Hey Alfred, how tall are you ?

*

Someone: *insults John*
Terezi: *laughs*
Terezi: Wait how dare you?

*

Karkat: Have you seen John?
Terezi: No.
Karkat:
Terezi:
Karkat :
Terezi:
Karkat: Why are you like this?

*

Kenneth : Maybe hot chocolate would prefer to be called beautiful chocolate or smart chocolate or funny chocolate. Maybe we should concentrate more on its personality.
Keith : Kenneth I swear to god.

*


Yumeko: You really think you’re cute?
Yumeko: Like, sooo cute?
Random cat : Meow.
Yumeko: I agree.

*

Shikamaru: I made a terrible dream last night. You were in it.
Terezi: And?
Shikamaru: What do you mean « and »? Isn’t that enough?

Yumeko, holding a huge photo of Aaron, which is probably bigger than Aaron himself: HAve yOu sEEN ThIs boY?!?!?;
Oliver: Not since today morning, why?
Yumeko: HE’S IN KOREA AND I MISS HIM. A BIT.
~
Peter: You can say ‘Have a nice day’ and no problem.
Peter: But you can’t say 'Enjoy the next twenty four hours’ and not sound vaguely threatening.
Aaron: …Peter, it’s 3am.
~
Terezi: I hate you!
John: Yeah, I hate me, too
Terezi:
Terezi, concerned: John, we've talked about this.
~
Aaron: I hate being touched.
Peter: ...
Aaron: The last time I touched another person was in battle.
Peter: ...
Peter: You’re literally cuddling with Carmin right now.
Aaron: This means nothing

Vincent: It's 2019, why hasn't a bank had a slogan "it's common cents" yet?
Darren: I say we demand "change"
Pastora: Well it was nice working with you, but I am now leaving this school

----

Célestin: I am the shyest attention whore ever
Célestin: It's like, I want attention!! If you're not busy... And you want to... It's okay if you don't want to...

----

Alfred: Is everything okay?
Karkat: If by “okay” you mean that my life is a meaningless, black cauldron of swirling failure, then yes, everything is groovy.
Alfred: That is not at all what I meant by okay.

----

Peter: This coffee is bitter-
Aaron: Like my soul.
Carmin: I need something black-
Aaron: Like my soul.
Daria: Fuck it's cold-
Aaron: Like my soul.

----

Kanaya: My life may be a mess.
Kanaya: But my wardrobe is not.

----

Oliver: Every time I sneeze my ribs start aching
Luciano, singing: And every time we kiss I swear I could fly !!!

----

Puhnan: Whenever I’m sad, I remember that the Welsh word for microwave is ‘popty ping’ !
Kenneth: That... helps... I guess

----

Karkat: One day I hope to be the person who walks into a room and all eyes are on them.
Peter: The trick is to get a really big hat and then scream.

----

Kanaya: Where’s Karkat?
Luciano: Up on the roof.
Kanaya: THE ROOF??
Luciano: Relax. He's got sunscreen on.

----

Arthur: Go fuck yourself.
Francis: Fuck me yourself, you coward.

----

Kenneth: I can't take this anymore, someone needs to take me out!
Lance: In a dating type way or assassination type way?
Kenneth: I don't know, surprise me.

----

Kanaya: I care about all my children equally.
Alfred: The others and I were attacked while you were away.
Kanaya: IS KARKAT OKAY!!??

----

Yumeko: There are no snacks left in the kitchen.
Sylan: I am literally right here.

----

Puhnan: What is your biggest weakness?
Shigeo: I’m vague.
Puhnan: Can you give me an example?
Shigeo: Yeah.

----

Luciano: Hey, how do I get revenge on those who've wronged me?
Terezi: The best revenge is letting go and living well.
Luciano: ....
Luciano: Hey Oliver, how do I get revenge—

----

Arthur: When I said to bring me something back from the beach, I meant like a conch shell!
Kenneth, struggling to hold a seagull: Fucking say that then!!!

----
Karkat: I don’t get paid enough for this.
Alfred: For what?
Karkat: *gestures to everything*

----

Sylan: [flirting with Arthur]
Francis: [staring silently]
Gilbert: You’re really quiet today, Fran.
Francis: No one plans a murder out loud.

----

Luciano: I DO WHAT I WANT!
Karkat: I’m calling Kanaya.
Luciano: no wait-

----

Aaron: Are you drunk?
Daria: Only on adventure !
Daria: And gin. And vodka. And bourbon. And gin.

----

Damen: We’re the exact opposites of each other and at the same time we’re so similar. We complete each other. We’re like a negative and a positive numbers.
Laurent: And together we become a zero. We become nothing.
Damen: Did you really have to ruin my poetic ramblings?

----

Puhnan: Hey, what time is it?
Sahel: I don't know, pass me that trombone and I'll find out.
Sahel: [Blasts the trombone]
Karkat: Who the FUCK is playing the trombone at TWO IN THE FUCKING MORNING?
Sahel: It's two A.M.
Puhnan: ...Figured.

----

Eridan: Tell him off, Isaac! Assert yourself!
Isaac: That’s my ice cream!
Eridan: Great, now let 'em have it!
Isaac: You can have it! [hands ice cream to bully]

Pouet, on commence lentement:
Keith:     Up yours, ye cow! You don't let us out these doors, I'm gonnae come tae America, I'm gonnae find whatever desperate actress gave yer voice, and I'm gonnae go tae the electric chair fer ye.
Kenneth:     Scotland, ye bastards.
Keith:     SCOTLAND!
Kenneth:    SCOTLAND!
Keith:     SCOOOOTLAND!
Kenneth:     FREEDOM!
Keith:     FREEDOM!
Kenneth:    FREEDOM!
Doors open. People standing outside waiting.
Kenneth:     Goin' up?

Francis: *talking about someone he hates* He is useless!
Laurent: Well... yes
Laurent: But when he dies he will become fertilizer.
Laurent: At least something good comes from his existence.

**

Chandara: You really shouldn't be using a straw...
Alfred: I know, I know. It's bad for the environment.
Chandara: It's just a weird way to eat spaghetti.

(ouais elle est pas encore là et ALORS ?)

**

Aaron: *answering his phone* Hello?
Peter: It’s Peter.
Aaron: What did he do this time?
Peter: No, it’s me, Peter. It’s actually me.
Aaron: What did you do this time?

**

Hugo: Everyone else feels good when their brain releases a lot bunch of endorphins?
Lovino: C-can’t relate.
Raiponce: Why would my brain release a bunch of dolphins?

**

Yumeko: Look, let's just agree to say "I'm sorry" in the count of three. One... Two... Three...
Saïda:
Yumeko:
Yumeko: See, now I'm disappointed in the both of us.

**

Darren: Swear words are illegal now! If you say one you go to jail!
Daria: Heck
Darren: You’re on thin fucking ice.
Darren: Oh no.

**

Francis: Tell me I’m pretty.
Arthur, lovingly: Pretty fucking annoying is what you are.

**

Clem: I don't "dress to impress". I dress to depress, I wanna look so good that people hate themselves

**

Ciel: Here I made this for you *hands Soma a potion*
Soma: What is it?
Ciel: Shut the fuck up juice

**

[After Luciano's breakup with Alfred]

Damianos: [Shines a light under the bed]
Damianos: Good morning, Luciano! Are you ready to come out and interact with people?
Luciano: [Demonic screeching]
Damianos: Understandable! Have a good day!

**

Vincent: I’m pretty good at keeping my sexuality a secret
[Darren walks by]
Vincent: I have to gay-I mean go

**

Luciano: Yeah we’re best friends but I’d fuck you if you asked
Alfred: What?
Luciano: What?
Karkat: [eating chips in the background] You said you’d fuck him if he asked

**

Damianos: There's one thing worse than dying
Damianos: [Rips off concealing paper so that 'Izuku' word appears above dying]
Katsuki: [Gasps] Deku!
Damianos: NO-

**

[middle of the night]
Damen: [trying to get Laurent's attention by throwing rocks at her window from the outside]
Laurent [via text]: why are you throwing rocks at my window?! you have a phone for a reason.
[loud bang]
Laurent: DID YOU JUST THROW YOUR FUCKING PHONE AT MY WINDOW

**

Neah: [sees a kid crying at the grocery store]
Neah: hey little guy
Neah: [crouches down to his level]
Neah: can you please move? you’re blocking the cinnamon toast crunch

**

Sylan: Arthur is really sweet.
Francis: What did you just said?
Sylan: He is sweet. I wanna date him. You know what? I'll go there to talk to him.

[Next morning]

Arthur: Weird, Sylan is not here.
Francis: Yeah... weird.

**

Terezi: Ah, this anime is obviously a romantic school comedy!
Terezi: John and I are the main characters, so that makes us love interests.
Karkat: Yeah, then what are we?
Terezi: You guys, are the homosexual supporting cast !
Terezi *draws line on the ground in front of Karkat, Dave, Kanaya, Jake and Dirk*: So please make sure that you don’t step across this line.

**

Carmin: I regret giving you that blender
Peter, drinking a sandwich: why?

**

Feliciano: We’re playing Scrabble. It’s a nightmare!
Cirilla: Scrabble? Scrabble’s great.
Feliciano: Not when you’re playing with Ciel. He uses words like iridium, and I use words like pig.

**

Arthur, shocked: You have a fake ID???? With a fake name and everything???
Kiku, sweating: I-I can explain…
Francis, in the corner of the room: he used it to get a second library card so he can take twice as many books at once.

**

Gilbert: I’m ignoring you
Ludwig: ….
Gilbert: I said I’m ignoring you
Ludwig: …..
Gilbert: Luuuudwwwiiiggg! I said I’m ignoring you!! Pay attention!

**

Francis: The world population is 7,810,521,683 people in case anyone started feeling way too important.
Gilbert: 7,810,521,682 people and me.

**

Arthur : What do you call a 3.14 meter long snake?
Arthur : a Pi-thon

**

Karkat: truth or dare
Francis: whatever
Karkat: dare then. I dare you to kiss the prettiest person in the room
Francis: Arthur
Arthur: *blushing* yes?
Francis: how in the hell do I kiss myself?

**

Peter, introducing Carmin : This is my better half.
Peter, introducing Aaron : This is my bitter half.

**

Mads: Berwald, please don’t do this. I love you.
Berwald: I’m sorry, but I have to.
Mads: Please, I’m begging you, after all we’ve been through?
Berwald: *sheds a single tear* I’m sorry, Mads...
[places a 4+ card]
Berwald: Uno.

Idun: Are you drinking enough water ?
Kenneth: Sometimes, my tears get in my mouth.
Idun: what
Kenneth: what

Kenneth: You need to go to therapy.
Alfred: Play video games for nine hours ?
Kenneth: No, you need to go to THERAPY.
Alfred: Binge the entirety of "Love, Glory and Magic ?"
Kenneth: Go. To. Therapy.
Alfred: Go online and buy things I can't afford ?
Kenneth: THERAPY.
Alfred: Overextend myself at work until I'm too exhausted physically and mentally to even think straight ?

Shikamaru: What a lovely morning !
Shikamaru: All the bees are working so diligently !
Shikamaru: It makes me want to get a leg up on my chores.
Shikamaru : -moves a leg-
Shikamaru : ...Maybe tomorrow.

Karkat: I am an adult. I am too mature to get involved in online drama.
Karkat, literally 5 minutes later, typing on his computer: OK NOW LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT.

Vincent: Darren, could you take your feet off the table?
Darren, still trying to sound young: Ok Boomer.
Vincent: ????

Keith: I prevented a murder today.
Arthur: That’s amazing! How?
Keith: Self-control.

Alfred: Hey, why don't we all go this year to a haunted castle?
Arthur: What's wrong with the one we live in?
Alfred:
Alfred: what
Arthur: Good night, Alfred

Teacher: As you know, the assignment was to bring in something you love.
Damianos: Yeah, and I did that.
Teacher: I meant an object, not Laurent.

[on the teacher's group chat]
Darren: You’ve heard of Vans - the shoe company. Now introducing Shoes - the van company
Melanthios: Darren, I am begging you please leave this group.

Carmin: You have no idea what I’m capable of.
Kenneth: No offence, but I feel like I’m being threatened by a cupcake.

Kenneth, drunk: Why don’t we just put all of the ocean water into a cup, clean out the bottom, and then pour it back?
Lance: I don’t know, that’s a lot of water, man… we might need two cups.

Shikamaru: I’m a supportive friend.
Naruto: Yesterday you said that I was so dumb that I wouldn’t be able to peel an orange.
Shikamaru: And did you peel the orange?
Naruto: Well no, but–
Shikamaru: I’m supportive, not a liar.

Kenneth: Why do we sleep? It’s literally useless. Like what if it’s incredibly addictive and it was started as a scam by mattress companies to make money?
Lance: Kenneth, it’s 3 in the morning go back to sleep.
Kenneth: That’s exactly what they want us to do
Lance:
Lance: Oh shit-

Damianos: What do you want to do tonight?
Laurent: World domination.
Damianos: Isn't that a little bit ambitious?
Laurent: You're my world.
Damianos, blushing: Awwww.
Damianos: Wait, what-

Aaron: -looks over-
Peter: -trying to shove his head inside of a microwave-
Aaron: -looks in another direction-
Carmin: -sobbing over how cute a cat is-
Aaron: Yup. I’m attracted to idiots.

Vincent: Life is hard but Minou’s toe beans are soft and nothing else matters.

Arthur: We are brothers.
Keith: You know when you take the 'r' out it becomes 'bother' and I really relate to that.
Kenneth: Brothe?
Francis: Two kinds of people.

Terezi: -dresses horribly-
Peter: I’m so proud

Karkat: Right, you know what. fuck this. I’m done with this shitty ass week. I just wanna chill now and wait for hell to consume me.
Kanaya, concerned: Karkat.
Kanaya: Karkat, it’s Monday morning.

Aaron: And you think killing people will make them like you, but it doesn’t. It just makes them dead.

Kenneth: We’re screwed.
Kanaya: Hey, I don’t want to hear that defeatist attitude. I want to hear you upbeat.
Kenneth, in an upbeat tone: We’re screwed!

Carmin: What are you looking at?
Peter: *taking a Buzzfeed quiz to find out what kind of chip he is* Porn.

Vincent: If I had a baby, I would name it Minou 2: The Sequel!
Darren: You would make such a good father!

Terezi: hey, do you think i could fit fifteen marshmellows into my mouth?
Karkat: you're a hazard to society
Luciano: and a coward. do twenty

Alfred: wow I’m sad
Alfred: *listens to really depressing music to make himself even more sad*
Alfred: why am I crying lmao

Terezi: Remember that time you dared me to lick the swing set?
Darren: No, I said “Terezi, don’t lick the swing set”, and you said “don’t tell me what to do” and then you licked the swing set.

Peter: Can we talk? One Pisces to another?
Celestin: I’m…a Virgo…but continue.

Terezi: *Pushing on a door that obviously says pull*
John, recording: Push harder.

Féca, holding an antique bottle: is this whiskey or perfume?
Daria: *grabs and chugs the entire bottle*
Daria:
Daria: it’s perfume.

Karkat: I’m 80% exhaustion, 10% sarcasm, and 20% uncaring.
Shikamaru: That’s 110%.
Karkat: As I said, 20% uncaring.

Carmela: You remind me of the ocean.
Fox: Why the ocean?
Carmela: Because you’re salty & scare people.

Magnus: I don’t have to answer all these questions.
Gon: That’s what my teachers used to say, usually just as they quit teaching.

Karkat: I’m a supportive friend.
John: Yesterday you said that I was so dumb that I wouldn’t be able to peel an orange.
Karkat: And did you?
John: Well no, but-
Karkat: I’m supportive, not a liar.

Vincent, trying to flirt: I like your name.
Darren: Thanks! I got it for my birthday.

Peter: [sneezes]
Carmin, at the top of the stairs: bless you
Peter: God?

Lavinia : Be straight with me, Clem.
Clem : The only straight that I am's a straight up bitch.

Alfred: I hate it when people ask if I’m still bi or not.
Alfred: Like, what do they expect me to say?
Alfred: “No, not anymore, my bi card expired last week and I forgot to replace it.”?
Chandara: Honey, I love you, but it’s 3am.

Kanaya:  Honey, just be yourself.
Karkat:  WHAT, WHO?!
Karkat:  No, EWWW!!
Karkat:  Who wants to be that?!

-----------------

Keith, sighing: No one loves me.
Lance: Are you sure about that?
Keith:  Yeah.
Lance, aggressively pointing himself: ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT?

-----------------

Puhnan:  Peter, that's a great idea!
Peter:  Thanks, I know!!
Isaac:  Uh, actually, it was my idea...
Peter:  This idea is brilliant. It's brilliant. I am brilliant.
Puhnan:  You're SO smart.
Isaac: It was my idea... Can anyone hear me... ?
Puhnan: You're AMAZING Peter, give me a high-five!
Isaac: Am I... Dead? How did I die...?

-----------------

Chandara:  Wish I had a boyfriend...
Clémentine:  You just have to use what God gave you.
Chandara:  My charm and my wit?
Clémentine:  That's a weird name for your boobs.

-----------------

Interviewer:  It says on your resume that you're good at small talk?
Isaac:  ʸᵉˢ
Interviewer:  Holy shit.

-----------------

Darren:  As the kids say...
Darren:  I'm gonna YOLO before I foMO.
Vincent:  What is that? Is that a yogurt?
Darren:  I don't know, but I saw it on a meme!

-----------------

Laurent, after telling a bad joke:  I have been practicing my humor.
Laurent:  I watched an online tutorial.

-----------------

Féca:  Give me you e-mail address, I will send your assignment.
Anna:
Féca:
Anna, looking at her feet: hanshasaniceass @gmail.com

-----------------

Alfred:  I have decided to eat my feelings.
Alfred:  Turns out my feeling are pork ribs, whoopie pies, mac and cheese...

-----------------

Jealous girls looking at Chandara: She has like... A permanent flower-crown filter face.

-----------------

Darren, showing around the Nature Club:  Everybody here calls me Chief!
Terezi:  Should I address you as Chief?
Darren: I wish you'd get it started, because no one is really doing it :c.

-----------------

Sylan:  You're handsome, and smart, and you're ignoring me so you're obviously my type.
Arthur:  Sorry, what were you saying?
Sylan:  Perfect.

-----------------

Dave:  I stopped by to say hi because I miss you.
Karkat:  We saw each other ten minutes ago.
Dave:  Yes.

-----------------

Meulin:  Compliment me!
Kenneth, panicking: Barbecue sauce.
Meulin: ... Thank you.

-----------------

Kenneth:  Are you alright?
Kanaya: Yes. I ended a four year relationship.
Kenneth:  Oh, are you alright??
Kanaya:  Yes, it was not mine.

-----------------

Peter:  I told Aaron his ears get red when he lies, so know I know when he does it.
Carmin:  What do you mean?
Peter:  Watch this. HEY AARON, do you love us?
Aaron, covering his ears with his hands:  Yes.

-----------------

Édition spéciale la fanfic Skyrock Akatsuki.
Disclaimer : Très OOC dans les dialogues des fois quand besoin est pour la situation.

Mammon : Heyy Luci-san Luci-san!!

Lucifer : Quest-ce que tu veux encore Mammon?

Mammon : J'ai finalement fini de remplir ma carte air miles american express!!! XD On a droit a un voyage gratuit !

---

On va à Paris!!!!!

Tout le monde : YAYY!! Sauf Karkat

Pensé de Karkat ** Merde je vais devoir passer une semaine complette avec ces idiots" Quel merde...

---

Damen, président responsable : * Oui allo!*

Edelgard : *Allo! *

Damen : * Sa va t'a pas l'air bien XD Nous sa va super ( il baisse la musique )*

Edelgard : *Disons que Dimitri a comme un peu peté le char :S Il a encore eu une allucination de son père *

Damen : *Ok sa va ne te torture pas plus je vien vous chercher! *

---

Karkat dit :

OMG...Alfred tu devrais plus dormir os** ta déja vu tes cernes?! Tabar*****

Alfred est offusqué

Arthur : Franchement Alfred c'est pas fort ca!!

Alfred est ultra offusqué

---

Douanes:monsieur vous n'avez pas le droit de trainer cette épée dans l'avion, vous pourriez constituer une menace

Geralt : Euh...c'est pas une épée c'est ma femme(Geralt a mis un manteau et un chapeau â son épée XD

---

Kenny sen va pour passer sous le detecteur de métal et il sonne

Kenny*offusquer* bon .. Préparer vous c'est asser long

Douanes: D'accord monsieur vous pouvez passer ( il était tanné après que kenny est enlever seulement 3 percing XD)

---

Lovino super fru se leve et pete une tit coche :

Lovino : NON MAIS C QUOI SA ! ON A PAS LE DROIT DE PARLER DANS CETTE AVION ?! Seigneur il est pas importent votre documentaire sur L'ANTILOPE ! Cali** s't'un castor a tete de tortue ! NON MAIS !

Feliciano : Lovino assis!

Bref Lovino se rassoit et sendor d'epuisement de colère XD et peut de temps après il arrivèrent a paris!

---

Carmin : (qui survien de nul part) : Hey la madame la bas me regarde vraiment et sa me fait peur

Peter : Ha bien va lui parler !

Carmin : non !non non non non non jamais ! J'ai pas le gout de parler a une femme

Peter : Haha! Je comprend

Carmin : Quoi ?

Peter : Non rien c'est juste très clair !

---

Feliciano : Franchement les Gars vous êtes vraiment trop stupide! Faite donc comme Ludwig regarder il lit tranquillement sont magazine !?XD

Francis : Bah il est pas mieu c'est un magazine Porno ! Moi je prefère quand c'est du vrai ! XD

---

Arthur : NON MAIS SA NE VA PAS?! VOUS NOUS AVER FAIT PASSER POUR DES CON.

Francis : Relax mon p'tit Arthur d'amour XD... Tien si on allais au resto pour se faire pardonner?
C'est moi qui t'invite.
** Bien sur je vais payer avec tes cartes de crédits XD**

---

Damen : Moi jme tappe la serveuse!

La serveuse avait de longs cheveux blancs et étais plutot mince et grande.
Tout d'un coup elle se retourna et ...

Damen : MAIS C'EST C'EST ?

Laurent : CHUT SI ON VEUT PAS QUE DIMITRI VIRE FOU!

Dimitri : Tu as dit quoi Laurent?

Au même moment Dimitri se retourne et Edelgard aussi ...

Dimitri : AAAAAHHHHHH TOI ENCORE TOI MAIS TOI TU EST TOI! NON PAS TOI MAIS QUEST-CE QUE TU FAIS LA AVEC AVEC CETTE MERDE !

Il pointait Hubert du doigt evidamment

Edelgard : Bon encore mon frère c'est pas vrai...-_-

Dimitri : AHHH JE VAIS FINIR SE QUE J'AI COMMENCER !!!!!!


---

Melanthios : Bon je vais prendre ma douche ....

Caleb : Bon c sa moi je vais me coucher

Melanthios : bahh attend ...

Caleb : Quoi?

Melanthios : je ne .., je ne veut pas ... dormir tout seul,

Caleb : -_-
**Et bien qui aurai cru que se serai Mentos qui dirai sa ! XD**

Melanthios : Tu veux bien dormir avec ... moi?
**Merde il va me prendre pour une tappette pis il va se faire un plaisir d'aller raconter sa a tout le monde ...**

---

Katsuki : MOUAAAAA mon plan diabolique va bientôt commencer hihih XD!

Feli: Bon Bon qu'est-ce que tu va encore faire la?!

Katsuki : Je vais faire exploser la tour Eifel ...

Feli : QUOI MAIS TU EST PAS SÉRIEUX !!!!

---

Francis : moi aussi... Je sauterai de la tour Eiffel juste pour te voir sourire ...Je T'aime.

---

Melanthios : Qu'est-ce que tu fait je ne vais pas te manger .... XD

Caleb : Bah venant de ta part !...

Melanthios : Tu sais Caleb en fait je n'est jamais vraiment eu l'intention de te manger ...

Caleb avait de plus en plus chaud et était très gêner....

Caleb : Euh Ah oui ...
** OUI vas-y croque moi ! XD**

---

Kaito : NON MAIS J'AI DES REPOUSE TU VEUT PAS ME PRÊTER TA TEINTURE MAUVE O.O

Nathaniel : Non sa me tente pas !

Kaito : Konasse ( xD)

Nathaniel : Redis sa pour voir -_-....

Kaito : Konasse xD

Nathaniel : Poisson

Kaito : Konasse

Nathaniel : Poisson

Kaito : Konasse

Nathaniel : arrange toi avec tes repouces ..

Kaito : O.O Non steplait aller sa se fait pas

---

Yumeko : Kaito tu as des repousses !

Kaito : Non *-) Pas du tout !

Yumeko : Ouais Nathaniel à encore refuser de te prêté sa teinture ?

Kaito : Me ton que oui!

Sylan : Moi je suis blond Naturel!^^

Yumeko : Ah oui c'est pour sa que tu est pas vite vite et que tu c'est pas que l'on parle pas de toi du tout la -_-

---

Naruto : On voit rien la-dedant -_-

Shikamarrant : J'ai ton cul dans la figure Merde et c'est le cas de le dire xD

---

Gardien : Désolé ici c'est un bal ou on vient bien habiller et non costumé...

Oliver : Mais on n'est pas costumé monsieur

Gardien : Bah oui c'est sa et moi je m'appel Pamela Anderson ...

Célestin : Ah Oui O.O

---

Darren : Sinon ta femme toi?

Caleb : Elle est morte -_-

Darren : Oups =X c'est vrai

Vincent: Merde darren !

Darren : Juste en ta présence tu me rend fou!

Caleb : Oula on peut faire un trip a trois? O.O

---

Le policier sot de la salle et vient dire aux hommes qui son en train de se serrer dans leur bras comme des con ....

Policier : Heu O.O Messieurs!?

Célestin : Oui O.O

Policier : Vous êtes Gai? O.O

Oliver : AH LAA!

Célestin : OUAIS VAS-Y OLIVER CASSE LUI LA GUEULE ! ^^

Oliver :-_-

Célestin : désolé ...!

Policier : Donc vous n'avex pas besoin de payer d'amande vous êtes libres de partir!

---

Pendant se temps Mammon et Chandara se promenaient dans la rue quand soudain Mammon -_- vis quelque chose de jolie qu'il voulait acheter à Chandara dans un magasin l'autre côté de la rue. Il se mis à courir vers la magasin, mais na pas eu le temps de se rendre l'autre côté qu'il se fait frapper part un auto O.O!

Chandara : Merde pas moyen de le laisser tout seul 2 secondes celui-là! Mammon sa va bien?

Mammon : Ben kes tu crois...-_-

Chandara : Merde tu saigne beaucoup... On devrai t'emmener à l'hôpital.

Mammon : Ben regarde donc toi!

Chandara : O.O Appelez le 9-1-1 !

Mammon : Prend ton celle Idiot!

Chandara : Ah oui merci!

---

Le cellulaire de Lucifer sonna

Lucifer : Allo?!

Chandara : Ouii Lucifer

Lucifer : Chandara qu'est-ce que tu veut -_-?

Chandara : Mammon c'est fait frapper par une auto on est à l'hôpital :'(

Lucifer : Non ! Zut Bon j'appelle Levi et Asmodeus et on s'en vien dit nous le numéro de la chambre ?

Chandara : 1234 Merci vous êtes vraiment simpa de faire ça.

Lucifer : Pas de quoi!

Il raccrocha

Lucifer : Merde Mammon c'est fait frapper par une auto -_-

Satan : Il est vraiment con O.O à ce point

Beelzebub : OOHHH NON :'(

Belphégor : HII :S

---

Il racroche ! Le téléphone de Asmodeus sonna!

Asmodeus : Aaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllooooooooooo?!

Lucifer : Shit sa va O.O?

Asmodeus : Ouuuuuuiiiiiiii

Lucifer : OOOOOOOOOOOOOOKKKKKKKKKKKKK!

Asmodeus : Hoo désolé O.O

Lucifer : Bon Mammon c'est fait frapper par une auto -_- Il va s'en sortir, mais Chandara veut qu'on vienne le voir pour le soutenir.

Asmodeus : Ouin d'accord

Lucifer : Tu le trouve pas con?

Asmodeus : Bah non pauvre tit il est blond spa de sa faute ! xD

Lucifer : Ok rejoind nous Bye !

Asmodeus : Bye !

Laurent: can you recommend me any books that made you cry ?
Karkat: general mathematics 6th edition.
___________
Clem: what are you, five ?
Oliver: Yeah, five head taller than you.
Clem:
Oliver:
Clem:
Oliver: Please don’t kill me
___________
Keith Kirkland: How was the honeymoon ?
Francis: Arthur got drunk and tried to destroy our marriage certificate.
Francis: He said, « good luck trying to return me without the receipt ».
Francis: I love him
___________
Darren, staring at his phone: Terezi, I have a question
Terezi: What’s up, Darren ?
Darren: What does ‘thicc’ mean ? It has two c’s.
Terezi: Well, it kind of means you have a nice butt.
Darren:
Terezi:
Darren, squinting intently at his phone whispers: what the fuck, Vincent.
___________
Damianos: Any extreme sport you’ve tried ?
Kenneth: Doing my homework while Professor Harper is collecting it.
___________
Berwald: ... Mads, what are you doing ?
Matthias, standing on the sofa: I live here too, y’know. I can stand wherever I want, thank you very much.
Berwald:
Matthias:
Berwald:
Berwald: Where’s the spider ?
Matthias: Under the table.
___________
Dave: *following Karkat around*
Karkat: What are you doing ?
Dave: I was told to follow my dreams
___________
Lance: I’m having problems with a guy
Pidge: ‘his dead body won’t fit in the back of my car’ problems or ‘I like him’ problems ?
Lance: I like him
Pidge: Too bad, I could have helped with the other one.
___________
Cassandra: Why are Raiponce and Eugene sitting back to back ?
Varian: They had a fight
Cassandra: Why are they holding hands ?
Varian: They get sad when they fight.
__________
Aaron: Can you do the thing ?
Carmin: W-what t-thing ?
Aaron: You know,that thing that makes me happy
Carmin: Oh, o-of c-course
Carmin: -smiles-
Aaron: [softly] Thank you
___________
Gabriel: -Staring at Jake-
Jack: haha take a picture it i’ll last longer
Gabriel: -taking out his phone- well, if you insist
Jack: wait no-
Gabriel’s phone: -camera snap-
Jack: Gabe it was a figure of speech you’re not actually supposed to take a picture
Gabriel: -looking at photo- you’re so pretty
____________
Dimitri: Why are you like this ?
Eldegard: I used too much « No more Tears » shampoo as a child and haven’t felt a single emotion since then.
_____________
Keith Ko.: today a pretty boy came up to me and asked how I was doing.
Keith Ko.: I couldn’t choose between ‘I’m good’ and ‘I’m okay’.
Keith Ko.: So I freaked out and said ´I’m gay’.
______________
Charlotte: Don’t you just hate being wrong ?
Lucifer: I wouldn’t know, I’m not familiar with the sensation.
______________

Aesop: i love you
Eli: that’s nice
Aesop: isn’t there something you should say back?
Eli: uh there’s no more milk in the fridge?
-------------------
Aesop: Live fast, die young, leave behind a pretty corpse! That’s what I always say.
Eli: you should say something else.
---------------------
Eli: *Shows card* Ace of spades!
Norton: *Throws Uno card* +4 RED BITCH!
Naib: *shows a pokémon card* I CHOOSE YOU PIKACHU!
Aesop, sobbing: WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE PLAYING
-----------------------
Aesop: well that’s it, i’ve had enough. guess it’s time to fake my death and run away to a foreign country
Eli: AESOP GET BACK HERE! YOU JUST BURNT YOUR TOAST!
---------------------
Naib: I have a plan, but I’m going to need your permission.
Eli: Why the hell would you need my permission?
Naib: If I mess it up, I don’t want it to be just my fault.



Voilà, car je n'aime très fort cette bande T_T

J'avais envie bjr

Darren: What language do they speak at the center of the earth?
Darren: Core-ean.
Magnus: The center of the earth is around 5430 Degrees Celsius. Nobody is going to live there so they don't need a language.
Darren: Core-ean.

*

Arthur: You wake up one day with the ability to freeze time at will for as long as you want with no repercussions. What's the first thing you do with you newfound powers?
Shikamaru: Take a nap.
Arthur: You just woke up.
Shikamaru: Take a nap.

*

Asmodeus: Francis stole an entire baguette and hid it under his bed, so he could eat it in secret and I'm only mad because I didn't think of doing that for myself.

*

Mammon: Who called it panic buying and not stockhome syndrome

*

Kenneth: How does one turn their emotions off???
Lance: Okay so first go to settings
Lance: I'm a fucking idiot, I thought you said emojis at first
Kenneth: No, I'm still willing to try this, go ahead, what do next

*

Link: The opposite of isolate is yousoearly.
Link: Please don't block me

*

Keith: Kenneth just screamed so loudly and energetic through the house for me, that I seriously thought he was in acute danger. After a short sprint to him, it turned out, there were adorable otters shown on the tv

*

Gon: Academia? Like the nut?

*

Damianos: There's something stupid going inside my head
Laurent: It's called a thought

*

Carmin: Look at this picture of me smoking
Aaron: There is no picture
Carmin: That's right kids I don't smoke keep jesus in your hearts and be like me

*

Shikamaru: I had a dream that my alarm was connected to Hooter and everytime I hit snooze it publicly hooted it with a disparaging message along the lines of "Filthy horrible boy has slapped the screen again, and slumbers on" so that your followers could shame you
Shikamaru: I was DEEPLY humiliated but that did not stop me from hitting snooze upwards to 14 times

*

Magnus: Apparently when my now-wife and I were flirting with each other but not quite in a relationship, she asked me how I felt about pet names, to which I replied "Well, you have to call them something"
Magnus: The fact that I have managed to end up in a relationship is really a testimony to Idun's patience.

*

Darren: Just gonna start killing people I don't find funny
Idun: National suicide prevention lifeline 1-800-273-8255
Darren: shut the fuck up

*

Aaron: I'm trying to stop being mean but it's like yall have to stop being stupid first

*

Kenneth: Do you think seagulls feel regret? Because I just witnessed one swallow half a pancake in less than a second
Kanaya: Seagulls have one emotion and it's hubris

*

Link: Cons of dating a tall girl: Midna and I just got into an argument and she put my phone on the top of the fridge.

*

Daria: Isn't it weird how humans have to drink a clear liquid substance to survive
Geralt: Vodka?
Daria: Yes

*

Karkat: Hostage ot not, sometimes it's nice being held
Dave: You good?
Karkat: no

*

Luciano: When I told Alfred he couldn't eat ice cream for breakfast he told me "You're not the best boyfriend anymore" so we compromised and now he's on his second bowl of ice cream and I've gained the title "Best boyfriend in the whole wide world"

*

Gon: Dove chocolate tastes way better than their soap

*

Francis: British people are so cute. They call Christmas lights 'fairy lights'. They call sweaters 'jumpers'. Sneakers are 'trainers'. They say "You alright/You okay?' instead of 'How are you?'. I quit.
Arthur: Fuck off, you condescending twat
Keith: Most British sentence I've ever heard

*

Harold: Remember, you can disappear into the woods whenever you want. You're an adult.
Kenneth : Tempting.

Kanaya: Dave, we tried things your way.
Dave: No, we didn't.
Kanaya: I did it in my head and it didn't work.

---

Sylan: Are you sure Arthur is even gay? He barely even looked at me.

---

Amber: Can you keep a secret?
Vanellope: Well, I'm good until I meet the next person.

---

Varian: This invention was almost a great idea !
Cléonos & Léo: You just described 90% of our stuff.

---

Feliciano: Question. When they shot Bambi's mother, did you find that a sad moment...at all?
Ludwig: I'm sure she's mounted on a nice wall in a fine home somewhere.

---

Vincent: Know why I called you in here?
Darren: Because I accidentally sent you a dick pic...
Vincent: *Stops pouring two glasses of wine.* Accidentally??

---

Meulin: Okay, all right, let's hear about the kiss. Was it like , was it like a soft brush against your lips? Or was it like a, you know, a "I gotta have you now" kind of thing?
Karkat: Well, at first it was really intense, you know. And then, oh, god, and then we just sort of sunk into it.
Nepeta: Okay, so, okay, was he holding you? Or were his hand like on your back?
Karkat: No, actually first they started on my waist. And then, they slid up, and then, they were in my hair.
Meulin & Nepeta: Ohhhh.

[Meanwhile]

Dave: And, uh, and then I kissed him.
Dirk: Tongue?
Dave: Yeah.
Dirk: Cool.

---

Eugène: Is anyone going to tell me what's going on in here?!
Raiponce: It's kind of complicated, but Varian-
Eugène: Got it. Forget I asked.

---

Damianos: So I said to myself: King-
Laurent: Wait, King?
Damianos: That's what I call myself.

---

*Watching a horror movie.*
Alfred: I'm so scared!
Dave: In this economy who wouldn't be.

---

Karkat: I have edge.
Luciano: You really don't. You are literally the most wide-eyed person I've ever seen. You have the face of an afraid cartoon lamb.

---

Kenneth: Did you notice how hot your sister has gotten?
Kanaya: *Glares.*
Kenneth: Because I have not!

---

Shikamaru: Before I do anything, I ask myself, would Terezi do that? And if the answer is yes, I do not do that thing.

---

Carmin: I'd like to address Karkat's annoying personal habits.
Karkat: Oh my God! What personal habits?
Carmin: I have a list. FYI overuse of the phrase "Oh my God" is number 12.

---

Vincent: It's a good thing I still have this sexy cat costume!
Magnus: I really don't think you were the target audience for that costume.
Vincent: There is nothing gendered about a sexy cat.

---

Chandara: I've lied to every boy I said "I love you" to. I thought I loved them but then I met you and realized I've never been in love before.
Alfred: Aw. I did not know that.
Chandara: Yeah, it was eating me up inside. So, I called them each individually and said "I never loved you."
Alfred: Okay, that seems unnecessary.

---

Kenneth: I did a bad thing.
Arthur: Does it affect me?
Kenneth: No.
Arthur: Then suffer in silence.

---

Magnus: [Pointing at the broken coffee machine.] So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.
Darren: ...I did. I broke it.
Magnus: No. No you didn't. Daria?
Daria: Don't look at me. Look at Geralt.
Geralt: What?! I didn't break it.
Daria: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken??
Geralt: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken!
Daria: Suspicious.
Geralt: It's really not.
Caleb: If it matters, probably not, but Idun was the last one to use it.
Idun: Liar! I don't even drink that bad coffee!
Caleb: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?
Idun: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Caleb!
Darren: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Magnus.
Magnus: No! Who broke it!?
Nazrim: Magnus...Melanthios's been awfully quiet.
Melanthios: What-
[Everyone starts arguing.]
Magnus, after leaving the room: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it. I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.

---

Gabriel: The only way to defeat a bully is to stand up to him!
Gabriel: Trust me, I have bullied a lot of people.

---

Max: I wish there were a better way to deal with Vanellope.
Saïda: There is, but we’re both too great for jail.

At a restaurant, lights starting to dim

Carmin: [confused noises]

Clémentine: Is it just me or is it getting sexier in here?

Lavinia: I can't see my fucking menu.

Aaron: One peaceful meal...one peaceful meal is all I ask.

----

Some student pointing out a window into the courtyard: do you not think you should ask Aaron to come inside, Clémentine? he might be frightening the other students...

Aaron, standing in a drawn on the ground pentagram:

---

Darren: why would you give a KNIFE to a child?

Geralt: Ciri felt unsafe

Darren: now i feel unsafe!

Geralt: i’m sorry

Geralt: ... would you like a knife?

---

Clémentine: Well, when I was small-

Lavinia, bursting out laughing: Was?

---

Harold: I. Fucking. Hate.Lupy!

The older kids in my house make me fortnite dance and shout "go, dragon king, go".

---

Darren: Do vampires bite and suck the blood or do their teeth act like a straw?

Caleb:

Darren: Sorry, I haven’t slept since that came up my mind.

Caleb: No, it’s a valid question, Darren.

---

Mammon: are you in the mood for a quickie?

Lucifer, in disbelief: i’m sorry, WHAT did you say?

Mammon: a quickie. y’know, one of those egg things

Lucifer: IT’S PRONOUNCED KEESH

---

Gon: can i have one more candy, please?

Darren: what did Magnus say?

Gon: he said no

Darren: then why would i let you?

Gon: he's not the boss of you

Darren, internally: it's a trap, it's a trap, it's a trap—

---

Caleb, trying to flirt: i really like your name!

Melanthios, bad at flirting: thanks! i got it for my birthday

---

Vincent: i only work with highly competent individuals. all of the—

Darren, bursting into the room: Vincent!

Carmela, also bursting into the room: we tried to make pasta salad in the coffee maker, and we broke everything!

Magnus: ...

Vincent: ...

---

Mammon: Man, there's something stupid going on inside my head.

Dimitri: It's called a thought.

---

Magnus: What does "take out" mean?

Gon : Food.

Darren: Date.

Aaron: Murder.

---

Some student: Oh you’re a philospher? Name every thought you had!


Puhnan: Easy! None.

---

Terezi: How's my breath? *exhales*

Karkat: Like flowers! How did you do that?

Terezi: I just ate flowers.

---

Kenny: I'm straight

Alfred & Karkati: Oh okay

Kanaya: Is this an april fool's?

Kenny: Man, I wish but it's not :(

---

Kaito: Are you a cuddler?

Nathaniel: I AM A MACHINE OF DEATH AND— yes, I'm a cuddler.

---

Someone: Would you kill your sibling for 1 000 000 $????


Dimitri and Edelgard, simultaneously: I’d kill him/her for one dorito

---

Mammon: Send dudes

Penny: Don’t you mean nudes?

Mammon: I’m in a fight, I need more men

---

Oliver: Do you have a crush on Keyne?

Dimitri: The only crush I have is the crushing weight of my existence.

Oliver:

Dimitri: And Keyne.

---

Dave: Are you talking to yourself?

Karkat: Yes.

Karkat: It's the only way I can have an intelligent conversation in this school.

---

Lavinia: Clémentine, can you help me with the zipper on these pants?

Clémentine: Sure.

Lavinia:

Lavinia: ....Up, Clémentine.

Clémentine: Right, uh, sorry.

---

Meulin: Knitting is my favorite hobby right now! I love knitting needles. I can make a scarf. I can make a hat. I can stab someone’s eyes out. I can make mittens.

Noctis: What was that middle part?

Meulin: I can make a hat!


---

Aaron: I hate you with every inch of my being.

Luciano: That's not a lot of inches.

---
Carmela: people who sell meat are gross

Darren: But people who sell fruit and vegetables are Grocer

Caleb: why do I hang out with you two

---
Darren: Alright class finals are over! Y'all can be as swag YOLO as you want from now on!

Terezi: Professor... Thnks fr the mmrs

Darren: Yr wlcm Trz

Luciano: Professor... You've .. changed

---

Clémentine: I’m CRYING. YOU made me CRY.

Lavinia: Baby

Clémentine: Now is not the time for pet names!

Lavinia: No. I’m calling you a baby

Lavinia: I’m insulting you

---

Solomon: I Marry on the first date to avoid Sin.

---

Alfred: I wanted to apologize.

Luciano: Finally.

Alfred: But then I realized I’m not really that sorry.

---

Magnus: These types of things are usually hit or miss-

Idun: I guess they never miss huh.

---

Carmin [jokingly]: I should have Aaron kill you for that.

Aaron [entering the room]: Who?

Carmin: I was just kidd-

Aaron [drawing a knife]: Is someone bothering you?

---

Jury: How would you describe yourself?

Chandara: Verbally, but I prepared a dance too.

---

Pity: SUMMONING THE DEVIL IN MY NEIGHBOUR’S HOUSE *NOT CLICKBAIT* {GONE WRONG}

---

Clémentine: listen, i don’t have a lot to my name right now, but i do have one thing

Aaron: self-respect?

Clémentine: no. taste

---
Keyne: your future self is badmouthing you

Harold: i talk shit about myself too, he’s not special

---
Carmin: you know, i was thinking how all words ending in -ie are cute, like “cutie” and “sweetie” and “cookie”—

Aaron: “die”

Carmin: AARON

---
Aaron: don’t worry, i have a few knives up my sleeve

Darren: i think you meant “tricks”

Clémentine: he did not

Aaron: i did not

---
Jack: please rate me

Gabriel: four stars

Jack, starting to visibly get upset: out of the infinite stars of all the galaxies?!

Gabriel: out of, like, five

Jack, instantly calming down: oh, not bad

---

Clémentine: wanna play 20 questions?

Chandara: sure

Clémentine: okay, you go first

Chandara: uhh... what’s your favorite color?

Clémentine: triangle. my turn. do you like girls?

---
Vincent: i have cat-like reflexes

Idun: prove it

Vincent: *sees a cat*

Vincent: i like that cat

---
Meulin: Oh yeah? Tell him where he can stick his grapes, pal!

Keyne: In the fridge!

Meulin: No—

---
Mammon: How's the most beautiful person in the world doing?

Penny: I don't know, how are-

Asmodeus, from across the room: I'm doing great, thanks!

---

Laurent: Here’s a joke. Knock knock

Damianos: Who's there?

Laurent: Kiss

Damianos: Kiss who?

Laurent: Kiss me

Hanzo to Francis, behind them: Did he just confess via a knock knock joke?

---

Lavinia: You’re so embarrassing.

Clémentine: Let go of my hand then.

Lavinia: No.

Noctis: Okay, from now on we're going to use code names. You can address me as Eagle One.
Noctis: Prompto, code name: Been There, Done That.
Noctis: Meulin: Currently Doing That.
Noctis: Gladio : It Happened Once in a Dream.
Noctis: Sahel is 'if i had to pick another dude'
Noctis: And finally, Ignis... Eagle Two
Ignis: Oh, thank god.

--


Beelzebub : Hail Satan.
Mammon : Snow Satan.
Belphegor : Rain Satan.
Lucifer: Tomorrow, there is a 90% chance of precipisatan.
Asmodeus: It'll be foggy in the morning, lots of condensatan.
Satan: I hate you all.

--


Lavinia : You can’t just use the excuse “i’m gay” every time you make a bad decision
Clémentine: ... But i’m gay

--

Carmin : So what would your Patronus be?
Aaron : Ah, I don't know, hungover, probably.

--

Raiponce: I can totally dance.
Raiponce: *Trips over her own feet and lands face-first on the ground before quickly standing up*
Raiponce: And that's the only dance move I know.
Eugène: Beautiful.


--

Mammon : I could be killed!
Mammon : Or worse, Chan could give me another lecture on responsibility.

--

Francis : Do you ever look yourself at the mirror and you realize you had forgotten how you look?
Arthur : ...Formulate
Francis : I mean, I know I'm gorgeous *glancing at the glass*, but I'm able to stun myself with my beauty every. Single. Time.

--

Dave : You are cute when you are angry.
Karkat : Then I’m about to get really, fucking adorable.


--

Meulin: let’s play fuck, marry and kill. your options are Prompto, Ignis and Gladio.
Noctis : marry you, fuck Prompto, kill Gladio.
Meulin: I wasn’t even one of the options…

--

Dimitri : Babe, babe, do the thing!
Keyne: [Genuinely smiles]
Dimitri, breathlessly: oh my god...Perfection…


--

Karkat: *sees a small group of people doing something stupid*
Kanaya: Pfft, what a bunch of idiots
Karkat: *realizes it’s Dave, Alfred, Luciano, and Terezi*
Karkat: Oh wait, those are MY idiots!


--

Meulin: Are you sure you aren’t dating Lucifer?
Charlotte: If I am, I certainly wasn’t informed of it.
Meulin: To be fair, if any of us were dating someone without realizing it, it would be you.

--

Eugène : I won't hesitate to fight anyone who talks shit about my son.
Varian: I'm such a loser. No one loves me.
Eugène : THAT'S IT, you beautiful piece of art. FIGHT ME!

Alfred: Arthur, there's a monster under my bed.
Arthur: Don't be silly, there's no such things as monst- OH MY GOD IT'S TEARING OFF MY ARM ! Just kidding, it only eats kids. Good night.

*

Dave: They call me coffee cause I grind so fine.
Alfred: Oh no.
Meulin: They call me coffee because I keep you up past 2 am.
Alfred: Please stop.
Karkat: They call me coffee because I'm dark and bitter and most people don't like me without changing some aspect of who I am.
Alfred: …

*

Lovino: Wait a minute ! You don't go towards the weird, scary sound !
Raiponce: Yes we do ! We always do.
Lovino: Right. I hate that about us.

*

Terezi: You're such a loser. If there was a contest for being a loser, you'd come in second.
Alfred: Why not first ?
Terezi: Because you're a LOSER.

*

Carmin: You need to react when people cry.
Aaron: I did. I rolled my eyes.

*

Dave: Whoops.
Karkat: Whoops ? WHOOPS ? This is NOT a « whoops » situation. We are far past whoops. We are solidly in « OH FUCK » territory, and I expect YOU to act like it.

*

Darren: Hey, Vincent, just so you know, I talk in my sleep a lot.
Vincent: That's fine.
[later, at 3am.]
Darren, half-asleep: According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly,
Vincent, staring at the ceiling:

*

Francis: Shoutout to my parents who made the most perfect kid ever !
Arthur: You have a sibling ?

*

Alfred: Arthur, can we go to a haunted house later ?
Arthur: What's wrong with the one you're living in ?
Alfred:
Arthur: Bye.

*

Meulin: Say « yes » to drugs !
Karkat: Say « no » to drugs !
Kankri: It doesn't matter what you say to drugs.
Kankri: Because if you're talking to drugs, you're taking drugs.

*

Karkat: I'm not « full of hate » as though I were some passive container. I am a generator of hate, my hate is a renewable source. Like sunshine.

*

Ludwig: They were not, as the kids say, awake.
Alfred: … do you mean woke ?
Ludwig: Yes, but it's grammatically incorrect.

*

Clémentine (reading): They say that if you talk to plants, they'll grow faster.
Yumeko, patting Aaron's head: I hope you grow soon, little plant.

*

Lucifer: Why are you being so dramatic ?
Asmodeus: I'm not being dramatic, I'm being myself.

*

Luciano: So, I've been thinking.
Karkat: A dangerous pastime.
Luciano: I know.

*

Alfred: Listen, I really need you to relax-
Vanellope: [banging fists on the table] HOW CAN IT BE "BIRTHDAY CAKE FLAVOR" WHEN BIRTHDAY CAKE CAN BE ANY FLAVOR

*

Karkat: I did warn you, didn't I?
Alfred: Ya you did.
Karkat: But did you listen?
Alfred: Nope.
Karkat: Do you ever listen?
Alfred: Nah.
Karkat: Are you listening now?
Alfred: No.

*

Raiponce: In Scooby-Doo secret tunnels are always behind shelves and stuff.
Cassandra: Can we not base our decisions on what does and doesn't happen in Scooby-Doo?

*

Caleb: I like you.
Melanthios: Would you excuse me for a second?
Caleb: Uh, sure??
Melanthios: [goes to the bathroom quickly]
Melanthios: [screams]
Melanthios: [comes back]
Melanthios: Okay, cool cool.

*

Alfred: I always say "fake it until you make it" and by that I mean fake die so that when you come back hopefully no one is still mad at you.
Everyone: You could just say sorry.

*

Vanellope: I am a killing machine. The bringer of deathly wrath and fury, the one who spreads pain, sorrow, and agony from the mere tips of my fingers, I’m a merciless god.
Célestin: Vane, get down from the shelf, it’s time for your nap.
Vanellope: No.

*

Dimitri: My girlfriend looks so good right now.
Damen: Wait, is Keyne here?
Dimitri: No, but I just KNOW.

*

Lucifer: This is a box of things we hate.
Asmodeus: Can I put Mammon in it?
Lucifer: No.
Belphegor: Can I put Mammon in it?
Lucifer: No.
Beelzebub: Can I p...
Lucifer: No one’s putting Mammon in the box.

*

Aaron: New tv show idea called "NOT EXCELLENT!" where I walk through peoples homes and point out things I don't like and then leave.

*

Noctis: I think it’s attractive when Meulin.
Prompto:
Noctis:
Prompto: When Meulin...?
Noctis: Yeah.

*

Darren: Justice is best served cold.
Darren: Otherwise it would be... justwater.
Magnus: I'm leaving.

*

Lavinia: I treat my body like a temple.
Clémentine: Yeah, open to anyone, day or night.

*

Dave: Okay hug your favourite person in the room.
Luciano: Alfred.
Alfred, face lit: Luciano, I-
Luciano: Move please. I'm trying to get to Terezi.

*

Luciano: I couldn’t sleep last night.
Mads: They say when you can’t sleep it means someone is thinking about you.
Luciano: Who the fuck is thinking about me at 3am?
Alfred: *starts sweating*

*

Karkat: Do you ever get pre-annoyed? Like you already know someone is about to piss you the fuck off?

*

Aaron: You’re trying to use my ego against me?
Clémentine: I thought it would work.
Aaron: No, it worked. I’ll do it.

*

Terezi: [is drowning]
Alfred: I’d save her, but who am I to play god?

*

Meulin: I can fit my whole world in my hands.
Noctis: What nonsense are y-
Meulin: *cups Noctis's face*
Noctis, voice cracking: I have a reputation.

*

Darren: Hey Magnus, how do you ask what a glass of water is doing?
Magnus: A glass of water is an inanimate object and therefore incapable of having a thought process, or understanding basic english.
Darren :
Darren: Water you doing?

*

Melanthios: I don’t get paid enough for this.
Caleb: For what?
Melanthios: *gestures to everything*

*

Aaron: I have feelings.
Aaron *points at his chest* I keep them there.
Aaron: And someday, I’ll die.

*

Lavinia: Go to hell.
Clémentine: Why? Are you lonely down there?

*

[Dave and Alfred sitting in jail together ]
Dave: So, who should we call?
Alfred: I’d call Kanaya, but I feel safer in jail.

*

Aaron: Caffeine no longer gives me the rush I need to finish my work, so instead, I have Carmin periodically text me "we need to talk" to give me the right amount of fear and adrenaline to keep me going.