Je sais pas quand m'arrêter......... Du coup ça donne ça.
....dsl

Arthur: Francis and I are dating.
Keith, Kenneth, Mabel, Karkat and Francis: [gasp]
Arthur: Francis, why are YOU surprised?

***

Mabel: Goodnight honey!
Connor: Goodnight mommy.
Mabel: Goodnight monster that eats children who are bad!
Kenneth: [through radio under the bed] GOODNIGHT!

-Connor c’est l’un des enfants de Kenneth et Mab, au cas où-

***

[shopping at Target]
Karkat: [scanning the shelves]
Karkat: [looks around, then at a customer] Have you seen my husband?
Customer: [shakes their head]
Karkat: MARCO!
Dave: [from nearby] POLO!
Karkat: [looks at customer] That came from the juice aisle, didn’t it?

***

Wendy: Girls like mysterious guys.
Kenneth: Got it.
[later]
Mabel: Where are we going?
Kenneth: It’s none of your business!

***

Renji: Sold my mattress on eBay a couple nights back so I had some money to buy a pet.
Renji: My back? Stiff.
Renji: Byakuya? Mad.
Renji: My iguana? Sick as fuck.

***

Alfred: Luciano is on a cruise so while he’s gone I’m gonna cut the sleeves off of all my shirts.
Arthur: Why?
Alfred: He’s pretty much 85% of my impulse control.

***

Karkat: Mother fucker!
Kenneth: Dude there’s kids here!
Karkat:
Karkat: Mommy fucker?
Arhur: NO.

***

Keith: Have you asked Mabel out yet?
Kenneth: Well, technically not yet but in my mind we already have children.

***

Mads I know this is not gonna sound how I mean it to sound…
Mads: I wanna fuck this pizza.
Alfred: I get it.
Alfred: You should never say that to anyone else…
Alfred: But, I get it.

***

Mabel: Admit it Kenny. You’ve fallen for me.
Kenneth: I didn’t fall for you, Mab. You fucking tripped me.

***

Mabel: Gabe I don’t care what you say. I love Kenneth and I’m still going to marry him even if you don’t like him.
Gabriel: Really? [to Kenneth] This makes me like you even less.
Kenneth: That’s okay I’m not really a fan of myself either.

***

[during the “carry your partner” portion of a race]
Tomislav: [carries Thandi bridal-style, jogs a little and talks calmly with her]
Renji: [sprints past, carries Morgan over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes; they’re both screaming]

***

Angela: Jesse, you’re a genius!
Jesse: Yeah, I get called that a lot.
Angela: What, a genius?
Jesse: No, Jesse

***

[Cirilla accidentally tells Feliciano’s secret]
Feliciano: You promised not to tell!
Karkat: Hitler promised not to invade Czechoslovakia, Feliciano. Welcome to the real world.

***

Renji: I would do anything for you.
Morgan: Tell me my hair is cooler than yours.
Renji: I would do almost anything for you.

***

Kenneth: Where’s Mabel?
Keith: Don’t worry about her.
Kenneth: Oh I’m sorry, have you met me?

***

Morgan: Did you just fall?
Renji: No. I attacked the floor.
Morgan: Backwards?
Renji: I’m freaking talented.

***

Arthur: On a scale from 1 to 10, you’re a 9…and I’m the 1 you need.
Francis: No wtf I’m a 10.

***

Mabel: I’m cold
Kenneth: Here, take my jacket
Dave: Hey, I’m cold too
Karkat: What???? [taking off jacket] I told you to bring more layers but of course you didn’t listen and now [piling scarves on him] now look, I’ve got to make sure you don’t FREEZE to death and [taking somebody else’s hat] how long have you been cold and why you didn’t say something sooner????

***

Alfred: Do you ever see something that changes your life?
Luciano: I saw you.
Alfred: Honestly that’s so sweet and it really makes this awkward because I was gonna show you a picture of a cute dog dressed up as a bunny.

***

Damianos: I’m sorry I’m late, I got caught up doing things.
Laurent: [strodes into the room with a smirk on his face] I’m things

***

Gabriel: I wasn’t that drunk last night.
Angela: You were flirting with Jack last night.
Gabriel: So? He’s my boyfriend.
Angela: You asked if he was single.
Angela: And cried when he said he wasn’t.

***

Angela, after placing her hands over Gabriels eyes: Guess who!
Gabriel: It’s either Angela or the cold, clammy hands of death.
Angela: It’s Angela!
Gabriel: Damnit.

***

[after Angela gave Lucio some protective gears for when he is roller-skating]
Lucio: That helmet looks kind of lame.
Angela: You know what’s not lame? Safety.

***

Kiku, whispering to Arthur: Tell him “You have beautiful eyes”.
Arthur: That’s good, great idea.
Arthur, turning to Francis: I have beautiful eyes.

***

Jesse: *playing out of tune guitar*
Hanzo: You take requests?
Jesse: Sure
Hanzo: Please stop

***

Renji: Romeo and Juliet is a love story, right?
Angelina: Romeo and Juliet is NOT a love story. It is a tragedy about how young love is stupid and shortsighted.
Byakuya: Romeo and Juliet is indeed a tragedy, but the love between the two stars is not stupid or shortsighted - it is genuine and beautiful. The tragedy comes from the fact that the rivalry between the Capulets and the Montagues destabilizes their community and kills two innocent kids who loved each other.
Morgan, walzting into room sipping wine: *snort* Mercutio is gay.

***

Francis: From now on we'll be using code names. You can address me as Eagle One.
Francis: Gabriel, codename "Been there, done that".
Francis: Arthur is "Currently doing that".
Francis: Kenneth is "It happened once in a dream".
Francis: Keith, codename "If I had to pick a dude".
Francis: Mabel is "Eagle Two".
Mabel: Oh, thank god.

***

Lucio: Luciel, you deserve an award for putting up with me
Luciel: You are my award, Lucio
Gabriel: Jack, you deserve an award for putting up with me
Jack: Hell yeah I do, you're a real bitch sometimes

***

Mabel: [quietly reading her book, listening to classical music, very focused]
Kenneth: [upside down in library chair] Do you think stars have feelings?

***

Keith: Francis, would you do me the honor of becoming my brother-in-law?
Arthur: Did you just propose to him…FOR ME?
Keith: Someone had to do it, Arthur!
Kenneth: *nodding vigorously in the background*

***

Luciano: Tomorrow is garbage day
Karkat: I can’t believe they have an entire day dedicated to you

***

Kenneth: Maybe hot chocolate wants to be called beautiful chocolate just one time.
Keith: Maybe you should go the fuck to sleep.

***

Mabel: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you had lost throughout your life.
Arthur: It would be nice to get my sense of purpose back.
Kenneth: Oh wow, my childhood happiness! Thank you for finding this.
Gabriel: My will to live! I haven't seen this in years!
Jesse: I knew I lost that potential somewhere.
Karkat: Mental stability, my old friend.
Jack: My innocence, what a surprise.
Mabel: Guys, could you lighten up a little?

***

Policeman: What're your names?
Renji: don't tell him, Morgan
Policeman [writing down]:  Morgan
Renji: shit
Morgan: good job, Renji
Policeman:
Morgan: oh fuck

***

Luciano: Can't you compliment me just once?
Karkat: You have amazing determination and willpower
Luciano: Wow, thank y-
Karkat: -to be this stupid
Luciano:
Luciano: I'll take it.

***

Kiku: What are you looking at?
Arthur, taking a Buzzfeed quiz to find out which holiday candle scent he is: Porn.

***

Wendy: I don’t have the energy for this.
Mabel: For what?
Wendy: *gestures vaguely*

***

Arthur: Why are you looking at me?
Francis: Because you are beautiful.
[A moment later.]
Francis: And you are looking at me, too. Is it because I am beautiful...
Arthur: No.
Francis: ...glorious, wonderful...
Arthur: I said NO.
Francis: ...lovely, hands-
Arthur: AAaah, yes. Just be quiet.

**

Lance: Bro, tell me your scariest horror story.
Kenneth: Life without you bro.
Lance: Bro.

***

Mabel: I’m proud to identify as morosexual. I’m attracted to dumbasses and dumbasses exclusively. Kenneth asked me what the Spanish word for tortilla was once and now I dream of kissing him under the moonlight.
[later]
Kenneth: What kind of animal is the pink panther?
Mabel, already taking off her clothes: Kenneth, you’re so fucking stupid.

Byakuya : So Renji sneezed and instead of saying "bless you" i accidentally said "shut the fuck up"‬
Francis : How do you accidentally say "shut the fuck up"?‬

***

Laurent: I’m a confident driver
Damen: you almost ran someone over?
Laurent: confidently

***

Mabel: The stars are so beautiful
Kenneth: they're just giant balls of gas
Mabel: don't ruin the momen-
Kenneth: and yet none of them are as huge as my love for you
Mabel *choking up*: oh

***

Morgan: See this? This is my “I don’t care” face.
Thandi: That’s your everyday face.

***

Soma: My throat was so dry, I thought I wouldn’t be able to talk.
Arthur: At least some good would have come from the drought then.

***

Ciri : Have you ever been yelled at by Yennefer?
Student: I’m not afraid of her.
Ciri: So that’s a no.

***

Karkat: You like me? You like my personality?
Dave: I was surprised too.

***

Alfred: Guys, let me ask you a question. Can you two agree on anything?
Luciano: Yes.
Karkat: Not really.
Alfred: Great.

***

Jack: Is that your hand on my ass?
Gabriel: It was an accident.
Jack: Gabriel, your hand’s still on my ass.
Gabriel: IT’S STILL AN ACCIDENT.

***

Kenneth: No but are you sure you love me, like really sure, I don’t want to pressure you.
Mabel: We have been married for 23 years.

***

Francis: Arthur, you're drunk.
Arthur: I am not drunk.
Francis: Oh, yeah, tell the time.
Arthur: *points at clock* I am not drunk!

***

Francis: *passing by* *sees Arthur staring* Enjoying the show?
Arthur: Are you always this cocky?
Francis: Only on Tuesdays... and whenever beautiful men are involved.
Arthur: So, you think I'm beautiful?
Francis: Actually, it's Tuesday.

***

Damen: Feels like you're being a little harsh.
Zak: Thanks, good note. I was going for extremely harsh, I'll turn it up.

***

Renji: Let's get one thing straight.
Byakuya: ?
Renji : i'm not.

***

Jesse : I can fit my whole world in the palm of my hands
Hanzo : that’s impos-
Jesse : *cups Hanzo’s face*
Hanzo : *blushing* I have a reputation

***

Keith K. : i love you
Francis: is that you or the firewhisky talking? *amused*
Keith K. : it's me talking to the firewhisky

***

Lance: I’m such a hopeless bromantic.
Kenneth: Uh, what?
Lance: Like, high five me in the rain, fist bump me gently as the sun sets.

***

Luciano : Is this whiskey or perfume?
Alfred: *chugs the entire bottle*
Alfred: It’s perfume.

***

Student : I like your glasses
Tenya : i'm afraid they're not for sale
Student : haha
Tenya : laugh all you want, they are not for sale

***

Mads : I wasn't that drunk last night!
Kenneth : You were flirting with Berwald...
Mads : So? He's my boyfriend.
Kenneth : You asked him if he was single and then cried when he said he wasn't.

***

Arthur: *catches Francis staring at him*
Arthur: What are you doing?
Francis: Just admiring raw beauty.
Arthur: Well stop it.
Francis: Okay..
Francis: *turns over to look at girls*
Arthur: UHH, I THINK THE FUCK NOT!!!

***

Damen: *takes a deep breath*
Damen: I lo-
Anyone who has spent five seconds around him ever: Yes, you love Laurent, we know, you love Laurent so much, you love hiiiim so fucking much, you just love Laurent, WE KNOW, you love Laurent! You fucking love Laurent! Okay, we know, we get it, YOU LOVE LAURENT. WE GET IT.

***

Laurent: I’m very upset and nothing can make me feel better right now.
Byakuya:
Laurent: No.
Francis:
Laurent: Guys, don’t.
Francis and Byakuya: *brings Damen into the room*
Laurent: *fighting back a smile* Dammit.

***

Kenneth: So, let me get this straight-
Damen: More like let me run this bi you.
Francis: Let’s just see how this pans out.
Mikasa: We should ace-ess the situation.
Morgan: I’m gay.

***

Francis: What do you find is the most attractive thing about boys?
Morgan: Usually, their girlfriends.

***

Karkat: STRIIIIIDEEERRR!
Dave, tearing up: You’re so beautiful and so fucking loud

***

*ordering a cake for Francis’s birthday over the phone*
Salesman: What would you like the cake to say?
Alfred: *covers phone and turns to Luciano*
Alfred: I-I didn’t know cakes could talk.

***

Mads: Hey Ciri, do you have Yennefer’s number? I kinda wanna, you know.. *hip thrust*
Ciri: … Yennefer is my mom.
Mads: yeah no shit, that’s probably why you have her number.

***

Hana: Why are you so strong?
Genji: I grew up with a older brother.
Genji: Someone had to protect him.

***

Kiku: All in all, a 100% successful trip!
Ciri: We lost Feliciano!
Kiku: All in all, a 100% successful trip!

***

Damen: Laurent is really nice person underneath the part of him that hates everyone.

***

Thandi: I’m not obsessed with Tomislav Kovačević !
Angelina/Morgan (well, more like les joueuses N'EST-CE PAS) :

Spoiler:

Allez, une spéciale "Homestuck quotes" car j'ai envie.

____________

Feliciano : Shucks!!!!!
Gabriel : Hey, I'm upset about it too, but let's watch the fucking language.

____________

Alfred, studying : so i built this sick pyramid of books to help focus my brain chi and spiritual majyyks and if at all possible to blitz my chakras out the yin yang
Luciano : is it working?
Alfred : no

____________

Arthur: FRANCIS FUCK OFF
Arthur: AND BY FUCK OFF I MEAN FUCK OFF RIGHT BACK HERE AND LISTEN, YOU INSUFFERABLE PRICK.

____________

Kenneth : If I agree to confess to her, will you stop tormenting me about it??
Francis: yes
Francis: but only
Francis: because that will be impossible for me to do
Francis: when u + her r snoggin hard in motherfuckin makeout paradise
Francis: A K A SEX LAND

___________

Jack, to Gabe : I Am Not Scared Of You!
Jack : None Of Us Are!
Isaac : (i kind of am)
Jack : Isaac Shut Up!

__________

Hanzo: Why am I being stupid??
Hanzo: I think I've spent too much time around Genji.
Hanzo: I've also probably spent too much time sharing his genes.

__________

Francis : Come on, now tell her a poem !
Kenneth, panicking : Your eyes are an ocean
Kenneth : Your breast
Kenneth : Are also an ocean

__________

Mabel : Are you sober enough to do all that?
Morgan : i think
Morgan : the answer
Morgan : unfortunately
Morgan : is yes
Morgan : :/

_________

Certaines ont été modifiées des originales, juste pour ajouter un contexte ou coller un peu plus.

Thandi : WHY EVERYONE SO HOT ???
Morgan : Climate change.

Gabriel : Well, i love you
Jack : Oh yeah ? Well, i love you too
Gabriel : Well, that's the first time we've said that.
Jack : Yes it is
Gabriel : Well, i'm gonna kiss you
Jack : Well, you better
______________________________
Lance : How can you not care ?
Pidge : //shrug// Like this
______________________________
Kenneth : When you see Francis, tell him Kenneth Kirkland says hello
Kenneth : He'll know what it means
Keith : You sure he'll crack that code ?
______________________________
Hunk : I haven't made so many cookies since 5th grade
Pdige : What for, a bake sale ?
Hunk : No, juste a friday night.
______________________________
Lance : You didn't cry when Bambi's mother died ?
Keith Kogane : Yes, it was very sad when the guy stopped drawing the deer.
______________________________
Francis and Arthur : -into a kiss-
Dave : Aww. Get a room.
Francis : We have one.
Dave : I know, use it.
______________________________
Thandi : -see a picture of a girl- Who is she ?
Tomi : -Give the name-, my camp girlfriend
Thandi : Did you break up with her ?
Tomi : No, we're still together
______________________________
Gabriel : Why is Jesse naked ?
Jesse : I had to show Jack something
Gabriel : Naked ?
Jesse : a "guy" problem.
______________________________
Luciano : Hey, Alfred. You got a minute ? I really need to talk to you
Alfred : Oh,yeah. Is this a cold-pizza talk or a leftover-meat loaf talk ?
Luciano : Well, neither.
Alfred: Oh, my god, what's up ?
______________________________
Damen : Go tell him he's cute. What's the worst that could happen ?
Renji : He could hear me.
______________________________
Mabel : It's okay to cry. You don't have to be macho all the time.
Keith : I just never really cried. I'm not a crying kind of guy.
Kenneth : Come on, there's gotta be something that gets you choked up. Like...
Kenneth : What if you saw a three-legged puppy ?
Keith : I'd be sad, sure. But I wouldn't cry.
Kenneth : What if the puppy said, "Help me, Keith, All the other puppies pick on me"
Keith : Cry ? I just found a talking puppy. I'm rich !
Kenneth :
Mabel :
_____________________________

Arthur : This is stupid.
Kenneth : Oh, there it is again! You think I’m stupid !
Arthur : No, there is a difference between being stupid and acting stupid.
Kenneth : Oh, yeah? Well, there’s a difference between being a jerk and being an dickhead !
Arthur : No, there isn’t! They’re synonyms!

------------------

Morgan, texting Renji : Goodnight homo.
Morgan, correcting : homie*
Morgan, texting again : Eh, same thing.

------------------

Wendy : Are you a practicing homosexual?
Renji : I don't need to practice, I'm very good at it

------------------

Renji : What’s the signal if something goes wrong?
Morgan : How about “Oh shit?”
Renji : That’s good.

------------------

Renji : If I punch myself and it hurts, am I weak or strong?
Thandi : You're strong!
Morgan : You're weak.
Byakuya : You're a fucking dumbass is what you are.

------------------

Kiku : Arthur, what’s your favorite meal?
Arthur : oh it’s-
Francis, walking by them: Me.

------------------

Thandi [dunk] : I DO WHAT I WANT !
Angelina : I’m calling Tomislav.
Thandi : No wait !

------------------

Feliciano : Ciri, what does IDK mean?
Ciri : I don’t know.
Feliciano : Why does NOBODY know?!

------------------

Tomislav : Morgan, we need to talk about your maturity.
Morgan [standing on chair]: Those are some mighty brave words for a guy standing in lava.

------------------

Thandi : What should I do?
Angelina : Oh… this is where I give you advice and pretend you’re going to listen to it?

------------------

Francis : We're engaged!
Arthur, panicking : IN COMBAT! *Punches Francis.*

------------------

Mabel : I’m literally going to fight the next person who hates on my boyfriend.
Kenneth : I hate myself.
Mabel : ALRIGHT YOU BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF SHIT, COME ON.

------------------

Kenneth, at 4am: But it should be called a teethbrush, Gareth, because you brush all of your teeth, not just one tooth that would be ridiculous-
Gareth : Please go to sleep, for once.
Kiku, suddenly crawling on the bed : Let him finish.

------------------

Genji : Can I ask a dumb question?
Hanzo : Better than anyone I know.

------------------

Jesse : Remember when I was in first year ?
Gabriel : Hmm?
Jesse : I came up to you cause I hurt my foot.
Gabriel : And I nursed you up, I remember.
Jesse : You punched me in the face, telling me that the pain on my face will distract me from the pain on my foot.
Gabriel : Ehm... It was a punch filled with care and love?

------------------

Lance : there are eight wonders of the world
Keith Kogane : no, there are seven
Lance : there’s eight
Lance : have you seen my ass in these jeans?

------------------

Renji, flirting with Byakuya : I heard you like bad boys. Because I'm bad. ... At everything. *Wink with both eyes.*
Alternatively :
Morgan, flirting with a girl : I heard you like bad girls. Because I'm bad. ... At everything. *Wink with both eyes.*

Kenneth : What do I do if she kisses me ?
Keith : Kiss her back !
Kenneth : Okay but... why her back ?
Keith :

-------------------------------------------

Jesse : Okay, if I was the last person on Earth, would you date me ?
Hanzo : Jesse, if you were the last person on Earth I wouldn't exist.

-------------------------------------------

Luciano : If the Homo sapiens were, in fact, "homo" sapiens... is that why they're extinct ?
Arthur : Luciano, Homo sapeisn are people !
Luciano : Hey, I'm not judging !

-------------------------------------------

Lance : YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS? TIME TO PAARRRRTTTYYYY!
Keith Ko. : *Groggy from just waking up* How are you this energetic in the morning? It’s 6am.

-------------------------------------------

Francis : Are you this rude to all your friends?
Karkat : Yes, don’t think you’re special.

-------------------------------------------

Kenneth : What’s up with you?
Arthur : What do you mean?
Kenneth : You have been nice and helpful and considerable all day. What’s your game?

-------------------------------------------

Kiku : Must you always attack me with words?
Feliciano : You want me to use rocks?

--------------------------------------------

Morgan : Oh, sorry. It’s just exhausting being right all the time, isn’t it?
Alfred :
Morgan : I’m just kidding. It’s amazing.

--------------------------------------------

Thandi : Tomi' and I slept together.
Angelina : And?
Thandi : I thought you would be a little more shocked.
Angelina : Oh, sorry.
Angelina, in a shocked voice: And?!

--------------------------------------------

Jack : If I died, how much would you miss me?
Gabriel : It’s cute that you think death can get you out of this relationship.

--------------------------------------------

Lance : Sorry, I lost my cool for a second.
Pidge : You can’t lose something you never had.

-------------------------------------------

Naruto : Am I right, Sakura ?
Salura : I’m almost certain you’re not, but to be fair, I wasn’t listening.

--------------------------------------------

Renji : Gather around, we have a problem.
Morgan : What? The fire?
Renji : No, the- wait, there’s a fire?
Morgan : Never mind, this sounds more interesting.

--------------------------------------------

Kenneth : Do you trust me?
Mabel : Yes.
Kenneth : Wait, what? Why?

---------------------------------------------

Kenneth : Bro, I want to live in your socks.
Lance : What the fuck, bro?
Kenneth : So I can be with you every step of the way.
Lance : [close to tears] Bro?
Kenneth : Bro.

---------------------------------------------

Keith : Wow, you are just so smart.
Gareth : Yes, that’s something I’ve been excused of many times.

----------------------------------------------

Mabel : Woah, look at the sea!
Lance, drunk, looking up : The water is so blue.
Mabel : That’s the sky.

-----------------------------------------------

Renji : My sexuality doesn’t define me.
Keith Ki. : Hey, how are you?
Renji : Gay.

Renji : The human body is 70% water. So we are basically just cucumbers with anxiety.
Morgan : Excuse me, with the amount of salt and alcohol that I consume, I’m more like an anxiety pickle.

----------------

Cirilla : Hey Lovino, think I can get this egg in this bottle without cracking it.
Lovino : No.
Cirilla : *Throws egg at Lovino*
Cirilla : Guess your right.

----------------

Renji : I tell gay jokes because I am a gay joke.

----------------

Keith Kogane : Stop setting things on fire because you want to know what will happen. What will happen is fire.
Lance : But what if something else happens…..just one time?

----------------

Karkat, walking into a store with Dave : Okay, mission number two, find out where the popcorn is.
Dave : Wait, what was mission number one?
Karkat : Fuckin getting here Dave.

-----------------

Karkat : Start looking around you and all you see are people the world would be better without.
Kiku : Feliciano probably.

----------------

*Before his first date with Francis.*
Gabriel : Have you figured out what you’re going to say to him?
Arthur, to himself: Fuck me!
Gabriel : Uhh, maybe not start with that.

----------------

Keith Kirkland : Wow Mabel is so beautiful.
Kenneth : Beautiful? She’s the reason faces were invited you IDIOT!

----------------

Jesse : So tired of these weak ass naps... time to level up bitch put me in a coma.

----------------

Keith Kirkland : Arthur, how ya doin?
Arthur, surrounded by fire in the kitchen : Do I have to answer?

----------------

Kiku *Everytime he's with Feliciano et Ciri* : All right! We did not die today, I call that an unqualified success.

----------------

Mabel : When are you free?
Kenneth : I'm forever imprisoned in my own personal hell so I am never truly ‘free’ but I don't really have plans all next week except for monday.

----------------

Yennefer : “When’s your birthday?” Awfully bold of you to assume that I was born.

----------------

Kiku : A theif.
Arthur : Thief?
Kiku : Theif
Arthur : It's i before e, except after c.
Kiku : Thceif.
Arthur : No.

----------------

Jesse : *groaning in pain*
Hanzo : Jesus what happened to you kid?
Jesse : I ate a 5 pound bag of orange flavored gummy bears.

----------------

Cirilla : Mom, is “idiot” a swear word?
Yennefer : No, but it’s not a nice word to call someone.
Cirilla, turning to the rest of the people : I was RIGHT, FUCKERS!

----------------

Kenneth : Sure is dark in here.
Feliciano :
Kenneth : I'm not scared or anything.
Feliciano :
Kenneth : I mean, who's scared of the dark these days??? Not me. Not Kenneth Kirkland. No sir.
Feliciano : Do you want me to hold your hand?
Kenneth : Yes please.

----------------

Karkat : You have no idea what I'm capable of.
Daria : Do not take this personally, but I feel like I am being threatened by a cupcake.

----------------

Thandi : You think this is a bad idea.
Morgan : Without a doubt.
Thandi : Then why are you smiling?
Morgan : Because bad ideas are my favorite kind.

Voilà, j'avais envie.

Mabel: You gotta win me a teddy bear.
Kenneth: I’m gonna win you a million teddy bears.
Mabel: Well, I want a billion teddy bears.
Kenneth: Well, that’s a little unrealistic.

***

Thandi: We’re adults.
Renji: When did that happen?
Morgan: And how do we make it stop?

***

Mabel: Does this make me a bad person?
Keith: Mab, there’s not a force in history that could make you a bad person.

***

Arthur: [ angry yelling ]
Francis: Quit being so MEAN to me or I’m going to fall in love with you.

***

Morgan: I hate men.
Renji: Good. More for me.

***

Dave: Anyone ever tell you you’ve got anger issues?
Karkat: I prefer the term “leadership skills.”

***

Dave: At my age do you know how I’m statistically most likely to die?
Karkat: At the hands of your boyfriend.
Dave: An accident.
Karkat: That’s how I’m gonna make it look.

***

Vincent: You know what they say. Behind every great man is a strong woman.
Yennefer: Oh, I wouldn’t know. I’ve never stood behind a man.

***

Renji, drunk: You, Morgan Rey, are an amazing woman, a mediocre crossword puzzle player, and my best friend.

***

Keith: I told you to stay back.
Kenneth: Yeah, but Keith, you said there was a dog!

***

Yennefer: It’s okay, Cirilla. Everyone’s afraid of something.
Cirilla: Even you?
Yennefer: No.

***

Genji: HAVE YOU SEEN MY BROTHER, HANZO?
Genji: HE’S ABOUT THIS TALL, BLACK HAIR, CLEARLY GAY BUT WE HAVEN’T HAD THE TALK

***

Gabriel: Hanzo isn’t that handsome.
Jesse: HE’S THE REASON FACES WERE INVENTED, YOU IDIOT.

***

Kenneth: So now we’re just supposed to do anything Tomislav does? What if he jumped off a cliff?
Mabel: If Tomislav were to jump off a cliff, he would’ve done his due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry. So, yes, if you see Tomislav jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff.

***

Jack: It’s hard being a single mom when you have no kids and are a male teenager.

***

Karkat: I’m actually kind of glad you came to your senses.
Luciano: Why’s that?
Karkat: Because I was running out of insults.

***

Kenneth, in bed with Mabel: [ rolls over ]
Kenneth: Hey.
Mabel: What?
Kenneth: You still like me right?
Mabel: Yeah????
Kenneth: Okay but, like like or like?

Arthur : Of course I touch myself when I think about you.
Arthur : It is called a facepalm.

__________________________________

Jack : Is there a delete history button for my life?

__________________________________

Alfred : Uh, Karkat, what are you doing ?
Karkat : Playing a game, what does it look like ?
Alfred : It looks like you are just laying on the floor. What game is this ?
Karkat : The floor is lava

__________________________________

Feliciano, innocent : What's crossdressing sex ?
Gabe : That's just about the saddest thing I ever heard get said.

__________________________________

Francis : Of course I’m an organ donor. Who wouldn’t want a piece of this?

__________________________________

Morgan: Harsh. Way to kick a poor lady while she's down.
Renji: Aww did I hurt your feelings?
Morgan: Jokes on you. I don't have feelings.

__________________________________

Jack: Where are you going ?
Gabe: Either to get ice-cream or commit a felony, I'll decide in the car.

__________________________________

Luciano: Why is your back all scratched up?
Alfred: *Flash back to chasing a raccoon after Luciano told him to leave it alone.*
Alfred: I'm having an affair.

__________________________________

Lena: You're completely literal. Metaphors go right over your head , don't they?
Puhnan: Nothing goes over my head ! My reflexes are to fast, I would catch it !

__________________________________

Gabe: Nobody likes you
Eridan: *Looks at Karkat, waiting for him to speak up.*
Karkat: No, he's right. Nobody likes you.

__________________________________

Peter: Hey baby what that mouth do?
Carmin: Recite Bible verses

Alfred: It's crazy how Leonardo could paint and invent all these things and still find the time to be a crime fighting turtle.
Luciano: And he was amazing in Titanic.
Alfred: A real Renaissance man.
Karkat: ...Jesus fucking Christ.

*

Dave: *does something ridiculous*
Karkat: Great, like I needed to get any more attracted to you.
Dave: ... what?
Karkat: ANNOYED. ANNOYED BY YOU. THAT'S WHAT I SAID.

*

Kenneth: Would you like to go on a date with me?
Mabel: Sure.
Kenneth: Oh no, this went exactly as planned, what do I do now?

*

Cashier: Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order?
Karkat: Ah yes, I want death.
Dave: He wants chicken nuggets.
Karkat: I said what I said.
Dave: I also said what I said.
Luciano: I want a McKnife to stab them.
Alfred: For me a strawberry sundae please.

*

Arthur: Why does everyone always assume the worst of me?
Keith: It saves time.

*

Kenneth: Do you ever think about how there could be a ghost breakdancing right in front of you and you would never know?
Keith: Go to sleep, Kenneth.

*

Mads: Please don't do it, Berwald.
Mads: Please, Berwald, I love you.
Mads: Please, don't do this.
Berwald, placing down a +4 card : U N O

Francis: You’re gonna hate yourself in the morning if you stay up late.
Karkat: Joke’s on you, I’m gonna hate myself in the morning no matter what.

**

Gabriel: I’m a piece of trash…
Jack: As someone who cares deeply about the environment, I am obligated to pick you up. Is 7 pm, okay?
Gabriel: You smooth fucker…

**

Arthur: Lord, give me patience.
Francis: I think you mean give me strength.
Arthur: If the Lord gave me strength, you’d be dead.

**

Morgan: Being gay isn’t a choice.
Morgan: It’s a game...
Morgan: (Pulls out huge stack of phone numbers)
Morgan: And I’m winning.

**

Kiku: I dare you to kiss the next person who enters the room.
Arthur: I'm not kissing anyo-
Francis: *walks in*
Arthur: FiNE i'LL dO IT oNLy bEcAUse yOu dAReD mE tOo

**

A man trying to flirt with Morgan: What do you mean no?
Morgan: I mean no. You wanna hear it in Spanish? No.

**

Damianos: What are you looking at?
Laurent, taking a BuzzFeed quiz to find out what holiday candle scent he is: Porn.

**

Jesse: Baby <3
Hanzo: Fellow associate.

**

Lance: *Walks into the kitchen at 3 AM to find Keith*
Lance: Aren't you suppose to be asleep?
Keith: I'm supposed to be a lot of things but I live to disappoint.

**

Sakura: what’s your relationship status?
Naruto: pringle. it’s like single but hungry.
Sakura:
Naruto:
Sakura:
Naruto:
Naruto: please date me ;;

**

Tomislav: babe, babe do the thing .
Thandi: *smiles*
Tomislav, breathlessly: wOW.

(marche avec le KennyMab aussi)

**

Daria: you’re violent.
Karkat: yeah but I’m short so it’s adorable.

**

Lynn: The only thing I'm not good at is modesty.
Lynn: ...Because I'm great at it!

**

Arthur: You know what I hate most about Bonnefoy?
Kiku: What?
Arthur: His stupid hair. His stupid, lame, awesome hair. It's so stupid and awesome.

**

Mabel: Are you the big spoon or the little spoon?
Laurent: I’m a knife
Damen: He’s the little spoon

**

Kiku: I have a science headcanon
Feliciano: Can’t you just say hypothesis like a regular person?
Kiku: …
Kiku: So my science headcanon is-

**

Jesse: So, what’s it like dating Laurent?
Damianos: Once, I asked him for some water while he was pissed at me and he brought me a glass full of ice and said "wait"

(marche en inversant Jesse et Damen MDRRR)

**

Jack: What do you have against walls?
Gabriel: Nothing yet..
Gabriel: (Winks)

**

Laurent : From now on, we will be using code names. You can address me as Eagle One.
Byakuya, code name -- Been There, Done That.
Damen is -- Currently Doing That.
Tomislav is -- It Happened Once in a Dream;
Angie, code name -- If I Had To Pick a Gurl.
Gareth is -- Eagle Two.

Gareth: Oh thank God.

**

Dave: (at a restaurant) can you guys get a table? i need to park the car
Luciano: okay
(3 minutes later)
Alfred, carrying a table, sprinting out of the restaurant: START THE CAR!!!!!

**

Alfred: im upset
Arthur: im afraid to ask why
Alfred : bats eat spiders. what if batman comes into contact with spiderman. will spiderman be okay
Arthur:

**

Vincent: chillax!
Yennefer: that's not a word.
Vincent: sometimes the ones who deny "chillax" are the ones who need to chillax the most.

**

Karkat: what will this accomplish, idiot?! what are you trying to do?
Carmin, shouting through heavy tears: my best!

**

Mabel: you are a lying, cheating, piece of shit!
Kenneth: and you are a liar who thinks they can get away with everything they do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!
Mabel: i’m moving out, and I’M TAKING THE DOG WITH ME!
Keith, picking up the monopoly board: i think we should stop playing now

**

Karkat: “YoU lOoK sO mEaN” well don’t look at me
Carmin : ;;;

**

Luciel: (hacker voice) i'm in
Pidge: i don't think you're actually supposed to say "hacker voice"... and all you did was open google

Francis: did you know the tongue is the strongest muscle in your body
Arthur: so?
Francis: so wanna fight?

(quand ils étaient encore ennemis)


***

Laurent: I have extremely high standards.
Damen: *smiles*
Laurent: Wow, I can't believe he met all my standards

***

Aaron: Carmin, next time you see Peter please, give him this face, he’ll know what it means
Aaron:

Later

Carmin: Oh Peter, Aaron said hi, also he told me to give you this face, and that you’ll know what it means
Carmin:
Peter: oh no
Peter: the neutral face of displeasure

***

Hanzo: Hey, are you ok?
Jesse, in a cheerful tone while throwing fingerguns: I’m chronically depressed!

***

Angelina: In your opinion, what is the height of stupidity
Laurent: Hey Damianos how tall are you?
Damen: *walking near them* I don't know, like, much tall

***

Naruto: *sighs* i’ve never had a real friend before  
Hinata: i can be your friend
Naruto:
Hinata: i’ve never had a girlfriend before either

***

Jack: Putting 'uwu' at the end of a sentence makes the sentence cute and harmless.
Angela: I love you uwu
Lena: I just got food uwu
Gabriel: I'll fucking murder you uwu
Jesse: Please don't do that uwu
Gabriel: No promises uwu

***

Clémentine : If a guy calls you ‘princess’ in a condescending manner, assert your newly appointed royal status and have him beheaded.

***

Hauru: So I got broken up with
Francis: Why’re you looking up?
Hauru: I need to cry bUT MY FOUNDATION WAS 110 GALLEONS!

***

Tenya: hi i'm here to ruin everything

***

Keith: I can't believe you and Mabel broke the bed last night!
Arthur: Must have been a wild night.
Kenneth: Haha...yeah...

-last night-

Kenneth: Bet you can't jump high enough to touch the ceiling!
Mabel: Try me.

***

Daria: The human life is a strained and tense one. I envy the life of a smooth rock resting on the beach...warmed by the sun...unaware of the trials and tribulations of sentient life...
Karkat: Do you need to talk?
Daria: I wish I was pumpkin bread.

***

Damen: No, no, that's a bad idea.
Jesse: There are no bad ideas, Damen. Only great ideas that go horribly wrong.

***

Star: When have I done anything rash or irresponsible?
Mikasa: I keep a list. It's alphabetized.

***

Daria: I'm good.
Daria: I haven't slept in a solid 83 hours, but yeah I'm good.

***

Keith: I don't think you should drink anymore coffee.
Kenneth: Coffee cures depression.
Keith: I don't think it works that way...
Kenneth: More espresso, less depresso.

***

Damen, laying next to Laurent who is asleep: Nice.
Laurent, still asleep: *cuddles closer to Damen*
Damen, holding back tears: N I C E

***

Kenneth: Do you want a quickie?
Francis: Ex- excuse me??
Kenneth: A quickie, one of those cake things.
Francis: IT'S PRONOUNCED QUICHE.

***

Arthur: I made tea.
Karkat: I don't want tea.
Arthur: I didn't make you tea. This is my tea.
Karkat: Then why did you tell me?
Arthur: It's a conversation starter.
Karkat: It's a horrible conversation starter.
Arthur: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Fuck you.

***

Vincent: My kink is when people care about my feelings and what I have to say.
Yennefer: Too unrealistic. Settle for bondage like the rest of us.

***

Lance: Do you like my outfit?
Keith Kogane: Not as much as I like what's underneath it.
Lance, blushing furiously: Keith!!!
Keith Kogane: I need your chair. Get up.

***

Mabel: Words ending in "ie" are so cute. Like "cutie", "sweetie", "cookie"-
Gabriel: "Die".
Mabel: ...

***

Thandi: You need to practice compassion for yourself!
Morgan: *to herself* Yeah, you dumb bitch, be nicer to yourself.

***

Kenneth: Ask me why I love you.
Mabel: Why do you love me, Kenneth?
Kenneth: *pulls out 200 page presentation* I'm glad you asked.

(marche avec le Lamen)

***

Jesse: We should be partners.
Hanzo: Like partners in crime?
Jesse: ...yes.

***

Francis: All you need is love.
Kiku: False. The four basic human necessities are air, water, food, and shelter.

***

Jesse: *playing out-of-tune guitar*
Hanzo: Do you take requests?
Jesse: Sure! ;)
Hanzo: Stop.

***

Clémentine: Do you know how many basic bitches would KILL to have the same personality as me??

***

Laurent: *unbuttoning shirt* Damn, it's hot in here...
Damen: I'm aware, but why are you unbuttoning my shirt.

***

Mabel: i really like your shirt
Kenneth: thanks [remembers people like bad boys] i stole it [remembers people also like nice guys] from an old man i was helping walk across the street

***

Alexander: I'm a social vegan. I avoid meet.

***

Kiku: You know when you breathe oxygen? And it's like *blows* Then it's like *inhales* and you LIVE!?

***

Karkat:Do you ever wanna grab someone by the shoulders
Karkat:Look them deep in the eyes
Karkat:And whisper
Karkat turning to Dave:“No one gives a fuck”

***

Isaac: i'm worried i'll fail
Peter: hey, just be confident
Isaac: ok...(confidently) i know i'll fail

***

Arthur: Why are you like this
Francis: Like what? Charming? Devastatingly beautiful? Genius? You’ll have to be more specific.
Arthur: Desperate

***

Francis: Would you slap me as hard as you could for one million dollars?
Arthur: I would roundhouse kick you in the face for free.

***

(quand Thandi et Tomi n'étaient pas encore ensemble)

Thandi: For the 100th time, Tomislav and I are just friends.
Morgan: *sneezes*
Morgan: Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.

Daria : Do you see my shoulder and how it says "hey student plz deposit tears here" ?

------

Mabel: Perhaps I’ll just drink my sorrows away
Mabel: *opens up a caprisun*

------

Alfred: Do we really have to say things like Arthur would ?
Francis : Of course we do.
Francis : That way, it will sound suitably disdainful.

------

Luciano: Karkat this is an intervention , everyone here is worried about some of the suicide jokes you've been making and we are putting you on suicide watch-
Karkat: Luciano, if I wanted to kill myself I'd climb your ego and jump down to your IQ.
Luciano: I'm trying to be a good friend and of course you sass me.

------

Angelina: Makin my way down town
Angelina: Walkin fast
Puhnan: Hi Angie !!
Angelina: Walking faster!

-----

Luciano : Are you busy ?
Karkat : Yes.
Luciano : Ok cool listen to this-

------

Dave: I started dabbing ironically but now I can't stop.

------

Kenneth : *Raises eyebrows*
Arthur : Put those fucking things back down !

------

Jesse: You may be childless but you are totally a dorky dad.
Jack, frowning: I'm not sure I like your tone young man.

------

Tenya: Pardon the intrusion.
Gabe: On this moment or our lives in general?

------

Mabel: You believe me?
Tomi: Mabel, you are the last good person in this school. I would believe cartoon birds helped you dress this morning.

Luciano, hugging Alfred: It's like winning the lottery but I'm still poor.

Traduction:

*

Peter: I was up half the night because I was so excited!
Aaron: You were up half the night because you were amped up on sugar.

Traduction:

*

Dave: Is there anything else I should know about Great Expectations?
Karkat: Only that I have them and I'm consequently always disappointed.

Traduction:

*

Daria: All this screaming gave me a headache.
Geralt: Kids, huh?

Traduction:

*

Alexander: In case you haven't noticed, I don't feel very comfortable around large groups of people.
Carmin: What do you consider a large group?
Alexander: Anyone more than me.

Traduction:

*

Angelina: Look, you seem very nice.
Puhnan: Thanks!
Angelina: I have no room in my life for people like that.

Traduction:

*

Someone, about Peter: Your boyfriend is weird.
Aaron / Carmin: I know.

Traduction:

Damen: Do you need a hug?
Laurent: I want total control, I want knowledge, I want everything to be under my grip.
Damen: I can’t give you that, but I can give you a hug.

----

Alfred: In Scooby-Doo, secret tunnels are always behind shelves and shit.
Arthur: Can we not base our decisions on what does and doesn’t happen in Scooby-Doo?

----

Damen: Now Jesse, be straight with me.
Jesse: You know I can’t do that right?

OR

Kenneth: I need you all to be straight with me
Lance: [Looking around] That’s going to be extremely hard for everyone here

----

Karkat: Ugh, i hate this
Dave, joking: I hate you
Karkat: Same
Dave: You hate me?
Karkat: No i hate myself
Dave:
Karkat: ...and you

----

Kenneth: You... have a face.
Mabel: Yes. Yes I do.
Kenneth: I mean, a nice face. You have a nice face.
Mabel: Thanks, I think.
Kenneth: Please accept my attempts at flirting, I don't know what I'm doing.

----

Lance: I'm half-gay and half-straight.
Pidge: ... You're bisex-
Lance: I'm graight.

----

Kiku: I wasn’t done talking.
Feliciano: I was done listening.

----

Francis: Arthur, I’m so happy I could kiss you!
Arthur: Um… neat!

[Later]

Arthur: I can’t believe I said ‘neat’, Kenny. ‘Neat.’ Nobody says ‘neat’ anymore! It’s not neat to say neat, but I said it anyway because I’m a huge loser!
Kenneth: Hey, don’t beat yourself up. Everyone gets nervous sometimes. Remember what happened when Mabel told me she loved me?
Arthur: Didn’t you thank her?
Kenneth: I thanked her

----

Morgan: I fucking love girls.
Thandi: In the feminism way or the gay way?
Morgan: Yes.

----

Alfred: WHO THE HELL ATE MY FUCKING FRIES?! I’M GOING TO KI–
Luciano: I did.
Alfred: –kiss you on the forehead and make you some more.

----

Gabriel: I’m sorry I talked you into this
Jack: I’m sorry I listened

----

Tomislav: Your house is burning down! You can only save one thing. What do you save?
Keith Kirkland: My house??

----

Hunk: I have a bad feeling about this…
Pidge: what do you mean?
Hunk: you know, don’t you ever get that small voice in your head telling you that doing something is going to get you into a lot of trouble?
Pidge:
Lance:
Keith Kogane: no?
Hunk: wow this actually explains so much

Daria : Are you worried?
Darren : About what?
Darren : But yes.

**

Peter : I'm not totally useless.
Peter : I can be used as a bad example.

**

Arthur : I know you're deflecting by making jokes about how hot you are-
Francis : It's not a joke! I'm a legit snack.

**

Clémentine : Prepare for trouble.
Morgan : Make it double.

**

Mary : Pastora, can we talk? One ten to another?
Pastora : I'm an eleven, but continue.

**

Daria : You shouldn't insult people bigger than you.
Karkat : But then I'd never get to insult anyone!

**

Karkat : You have to learn to love yourself!
Dave : ... don't you hate yourself?
Karkat : Um, okay, we're talking about you right now. Pay attention.

**

Feliciano : What's your book about?
Francis : It's about two people who fall in love.
Feliciano : Is there a dragon in it?
Francis : No.
Feliciano : Then what's the point?

Shiro : Did you just referred to the knife as a "people-opener"?
Mary : Should I not have ?

-

Karkat : You look nice, I want to kiss you
Dave : what?
Karkat : I SAID IF YOU DIED I WOULDN'T MISS YOU.

-

Darren : Since when is babysitting Terezi my-
Darren : Oh, my god, that's exactly my job.

-

Mary : *patting Shiro and Darren on the back* Good job gays.
Darren : *nervous laughter* Did you mean to say gu-
Mary : Did I stutter?

-

Karkat : Treat insects the way you want to be treated.
Daria : Killed without hesitation.

-

Aaron : What have I told you about comparing Karkat to the devil ?
Carmin : That it's offensive to the devil ?

-

Gabe : Am I in trouble ?
Mary : Have a guess.
Gabe : No?
Mary : Have another guess.

-

Alfred : Look, let's just agree to say 'Im sorry' on the count of three. One.. Two.. Three..
Luciano :
Alfred :
Alfred : See, now I'm just disappointed in the both of us.

-

Terezi : I DO WHAT I WANT !
Darren : I'm calling Karkat.
Terezi : no wait

Izuku: I think we should try a non-violent approach.
Katsuki: I agree, except replace the word “non” with “extremely”, and after the word “violent”, include the phrase “blood explosion extraordinaire.”

----

Alfred: Can I ask you a question? Just one and then we’ll actually go to sleep.
Dave: Shoot.
Dave: Go type it out as I brush my teeth and junk.
Dave: By which I mean brush my teeth and do other getting ready for bed stuff, I’m not shoving my toothbrush down my pants. Tho it would be fun.
Alfred: I regret reading all of that so I’m going to pretend I didn’t.

---

Mabel: Why do you keep breaking into our house through our window?!?
Gabriel: Habit.

---

Aaron: Talk to him, that’s what friends do.
Daria: Nope. I’m gonna wait ‘til I’m on my deathbed, get in the last word and then die immediately.
Aaron: That’s your plan for dealing with this?
Daria: That’s my plan for dealing with everything. I have seventy-seven arguments I’m going to win that way.

---

A guide to Ilukaan students and teachers.
Selon ces deux documents : Google DOC || Incorrect quote

Gabriel: Imma do the thing
literally everyone in a 2km radius: please please don't do the thing
Gabriel, covered in blood and surrounded by burning corpses: too late
---
Karkat: Imma do the thing
Someone: No, don't do it
Karkat: dude we are surrounded, wounded and have about a 99.9% chance of dying painfully, if you have a better option then I'm all ears
---
Francis: Imma do the thing
Someone: No, don't do it
Francis: I don't think you understand just how funny it is that you think you have a say in this
---
John: Imma do the thing
Someone: No, don't do it
John, relieved: oh thank goodness now i don't have to
---
Jack: Imma do the thing
Someone: Oh thank god, you're finally doing it, we've been holed up in here just waiting for you to do it and you never would
Jack:
---
Kiku: Imma do the thing
Someone: No, don't do it
Kiku: Excuse me I have been planning for the better part of a DECADE I have like 4 backup plans I have this entire thing down to a SCIENCE how DARE you tell me I shouldn't do this
---
Jake: Imma do the thing
Someone: No, don't do it
Jake, on the verge of tears: y-yeah you're right
---
Daria: Imma do the thing
Someone: What thing??
Daria: //has already left//
Someone: shit
---
Someone: hey, so uh--
Laurent: you did the thing, didn't you
Someone: yes
Laurent: you failed, didn't you
Someone: ...yes
Laurent: knew it
---
Kenneth: So you want me to do the thing
Someone: Yes
Kenneth: Fully realizing that this thing is incredibly dangerous and could potentially hospitalize us
Someone: Do you have a problem with that?
Kenneth: No, no, I just wanted to make sure we're on the same page
---
Mary: ;)
Someone: what the fuck
Mary: //does the thing//
Someone: WHAT THE FUCK

Some guy : Did it hurt?
Thandi : Did what hurt?
Some guy : When you fell down from heaven.
Tomi : * Slid an arm around Thandi.* No it didn't because I was there to catch her.
Some guy : ...

.

Some guy : Did it hurt?
Clémentine : Did what hurt?
Some guy : When you fell down from heaven.
Morgan : * Slid an arm around Clémentine.* No it didn't because I was there to catch her.
Some guy : ...
Clémentine : Don't be silly Morgan. You know I ascended from hell.
Morgan : That's my girl.

.

Lemony : I have a hobby.
Yennefer : * Without looking.* Being sad isn't a hobby.
Toshinori : * Surprised.* Really ?!
(Oui Lemony est pas encore là, Yennefer est partie et j'ai toujours pas Toshinori de validé parce que j'ai pas terminé sa fiche mais je m'en moque, ça aurait été la meilleure rela du monde.)

.

Lemony: There are three ways to argue: words, proof-
Yennefer: Sword.
Toshinori : No.

.

[Car is hanging off a cliff]
Lena : Oh my go, Angie! Back it up!
Angelina : Really Lena? I thought I might drive forward. I thought that might be a fun thing to do.

.

Clémentine: Aaron, want a coke?
Aaron: The drug or the drink?
Clémentine: ... The drink. Old bottle, though, so... Possibly both?
Aaron: Win-win, hand it over.

.

Jesse: I just want to be included!
Jesse, after being included: what the hell and fuck

.

Tenya: If I was a zombie and had flesh falling off my face, I would expect you to put a bullet in my head.
Katsuki: Oh, happily.
Tenya: Well don’t get too excited…
Katsuki: You wouldn’t even need to ask.

.

Izuku: Whatever you do in life, always give 100%
Tsuyu: Unless you’re donating blood.

.

Lovino: Listen, how the hell am I supposed to do this art assignment in one day I’m not fucking Leonardo DiCaprio.
Angelina: Ah yes not to be confused with the award winning actor Leonardo Da Vinci.

.

Mihael: Yeah, you're right. I'm not gonna fight them.
Mihael: EXCEPT THAT I AM
Mihael: [runs off]

.

Aaron: Hello, I’m listed as Peter's emergency contact
Nurse: Oh, are you here to pick him up?
Aaron: No, I came to be removed as his emergency contact

Shikamaru: What are some good responses to getting stabbed?
Francis: Rude
Karkat: Fair
Carmin: Not again...
Gabriel: Are you going to want that knife back or can I keep it
Anduin: *glares* Calling 911

---

Gabriel: Your heart or your life.
Jack: …Don’t you mean “your money or your life”?
Gabriel: Actually I’m here to steal your heart.
Jack:
Gabriel: S-shut up.

---

Karkat: I am lost for words!!!
John, narrating: Despite being lost for words, Karkat yelled at me for the next ten minutes.

---

Feliciano: Here’s a list of suspects I’ve put together so far.
Cirilla: Feli, your name’s on this list.
Feliciano: I don’t remember where I was last Friday night, Ciri. Therefore, I have no alibi. I’ve been tailing myself for the past three days.

---

Luciano: (about Karkat and Alfred) How dumb do they think we are?
Dave: Sometimes Karkat leaves me pictures of food instead of a shopping list.

---

Darren: Day five of being snowed in. I’m singing 'Call me Mother' every hour to try and raise team spirit. I think it’s working.
Feca: When you die, I’ll play Jenga with your bones.
Darren: See? We’re all like a big family at this point.

---

Shiro: What are you still doing up, Mary?
Mary: Living, unfortunately.

---

Terezi: Luciano, Alfred would throw himself in front of a moving car for you!
Luciano: Alfred would throw himself in front of a moving car for fun.

Kidnapper : We have your son
Darren : i dont have a son
Kidnapper : then who just asked for warm chocolate milk and made us cut the crusts off his sandwich ?
Darren : oh my god yall have Lance Mcclain
_________________
Arthur : you’re pretty dumb
Francis : thank you
Arthur : why are you thanking me ? I just insulted you.
Francis : All I heard was « you’re pretty ». I’m focusing on the positives in life.
__________________
Random girls : Oh you’re taken ? What’s she like ? I bet she’s perfect.
Carmin : Well about tha-
Peter : -walks in- What’s up, fuckers ?
Aaron : He’s perfect in his own special way
__________________
Jack : -loud sigh-
Gabriel : Babe, what’s wrong ?
Jack : You haven’t looked at me for 10 minutes
Gabriel : ... We’re watching a movie
Jack : DID I ASK FOR AN EXCUSE ?!
__________________
Arthur : We can bake these cookie at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for one minute
Keith : no thats not how you male cookies
Kenneth : FLOOR IT !!
Arthur : How about 4,000,000 for one second ?
Keith : YOU’RE GONNA BURN THE DORM DOWN-
Arthur : I’M GONNA HARVEST THE POWER OF THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES
Kenneth : DO IT
Keith : NO—
__________________
Arthur : You were hurt, what do you remember
Alfred : Just the ambulance ride
Mabel : We didn’t take an ambulance, Arthur drove us
Alfred : But I heard a siren
Mabel : That was Luciano
Luciano : sorry, I was nervous
__________________
Pidge : What are you, five ?
Lance : Yeah, five heads taller than you
Pidge :
Lance :
Pidge :
Lance : Please don’t kill me
__________________
Damen : I wasn’t sure what kind of chocolates you liked so I got them all
Laurent : Damen, there are like, 300 boxes here.
Damen : I panicked okay ! Valentines can be really stressful !!
__________________
Karkat : Dave, I need to talk to you
Dave : Ooh, someone’s is in trouble
Karkat :
Dave : It’s me. I don’t know why i said that.
___________________
Amber : what are you drinking ?
Clémentine : vodka
Amber : What the hell ? Straight ?
Clémentine : No, lesbian
Amber : NOT YOU, THE VODKA
___________________

Vaneloppe: I feel like I have died and gone to Heaven.
Max: I have that dream too, but you go in the other direction.

--
Characters: This isn’t the weirdest thing to happen to me today.
Role players: Well, the day just started.

--
John: Why isn’t the statue smirking at me?
Alfred: It isn’t smirking at anyone, they’re all just imagining it.
Karkat: Three of us saw it, Alfred. How do you explain that?
Alfred: [points at Karkat] Sleep deprivation. [points at Dave] Paranoid. [points at Eridan] Attention whore.

--
Darren: I think Pastora is in trouble…
Mary: Alright. Struggling to give a fuck, if i’m honest.

--
Clémentine: This job will require a bit of muscle, so I figured Morgan should do it.
Eridan: What? No. I should do it. I’m a man.
Karkat: That’s debatable.
Eridan: Well, I’m more man than Morgan !
Morgan: I don’t accept that.

--
Pastora: Your little brother said a swear word in class.
Lovino: I’ll talk to him about it.
Lovino, to Feliciano: What the fuck, dude.

--
Aaron: Emo Lifestyle !
Peter: Today I accidentally swallowed a mosquito!
Carmin: So Emo… !

--
Dave: Keep your credit cards away from the magnet. Want to make sure they still work when Obama comes around.
Karkat: I can think of a few different ways this scenario could possibly end, and none of them involve Obama.

--
Peter: Lesbians, what is your wisdom?
Morgan: World hard and cold… titty soft and warm.
Clémentine: Girl hot.
Morgan: Watch Naruto.

--
Jack, waking Gabriel up: Hey- you ok?
Gabriel: I’m dead.
Jack: I know, you must feel like crap after that-
Gabriel: No. I went into cardiac arrest eight minutes ago. I’m deceased.
Jack: Oh, come on- [checks his pulse] …but… how are you talking?
Gabriel: Superior training. Indomitable will.
Jack: You really don’t have a pulse!
Gabriel: Just adrenaline and rage keeping me going. Also, I don’t want to leave the cats.

--
John: Ah, this anime is obviously a romantic school comedy!
John: Terezi and I are the main characters, so that makes us love interests.
Dave: Yeah, then what are we?
John: You guys, are the homosexual supporting cast !
John *draws line on the ground in front of Dave and Karkat*: So please make sure that you don’t step across this line.

--
Ricky: And you think killing people will make them like you, but it doesn’t. It just makes them dead.
Gamzee: :o(

--
Carmin: My boyfriend is gonna kick your ass. I’m gonna tell him where you live !...
Karkat:
Carmin:
Carmin: Where do you live?

Sarah: Dying sucks! How do you living beings cope with mortality?
Aaron: Violent outbursts.
Sylan: General sluttiness.
Gabriel: Thanks to denial, I'm immortal.

---
---

Cop: You’re receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle.
Dirk: Shit.
Terezi: Wait, three?
Cop: Yeah?
Terezi: Oh my god.
Chloé: Oh right, forgot to tell you: Shikamaru fell off.

---
---

Gabriel: You ever just want to go home but you have no idea where home is supposed to be?
Gabriel: You know that little “mrrph” sound cats make when you poke them? That’s adorable.
Gabriel: I just wanna be gay and do crime...
Mabel: Gabriel, are you having an existential crisis?
Gabriel: ...Yes.

---
---

Peter : Why is there always a law against everything I wanna do?!

---
---

Karkat: You need my help.
Luciano: I wouldn't phrase it exactly like that.
Karkat: Well, if you want my help, you better phrase it exactly like that.

---
---

Dirk: And that brings us onto our next problem.
Chloé: How you'll never find love and end up marrying an anime pillow?
Dirk: No, that's problem 3.

---
---

Dave : I’m bi with a female preference, but damn, Luigi is hot.

---
---

Dirk: Truth or dare?
John: Dare.
Dirk: I dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room.
John: Hey Karkat…
Karkat, blushing: Yeah?
John: Could you move? I’m trying to get to Alfred.

---
---

Carmin: Who doesn’t love cocks?
Carmin: WAIT, CLOCKS! I MEANT CLOCKS!
Peter: It’s okay, it’s okay! Both are awesome!

---
---

Arthur: What’s the worst decision you’ve made while you were drunk?
Matthias, wiggling his eyebrows: Don’t mean to brag, but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.

---
---

Dave: This chat has died, so I shall revive it!
Dave: Penis.
Shikamaru: No.

---
---

Chloé: I totally respect your decision, but I’ve already made my own decision.
Lovino: That’s the complete opposite of respecting my decision.

---
---

Daria: How are we gonna get in?
Geralt: Don’t worry, I’ve got the keys.
Geralt: *smashes window*

---
---

Francis: You’re violating the dress code.
Morgan: How could I possibly be violating the dress code?!
Morgan: I’m not wearing a tank top or crop top, my shorts are long enough AND this is my natural hair color !
Morgan: It’s because my kNeE cApS are dIsTrActiNg, isn’t it?!
Morgan: I WILL NOT TAKE SUCH DISCRIMINAT-
Francis: Your vest is just so 2012.

---
---

Carmin: I cry to feel alive.
Peter: I heely to escape my feelies.
Aaron: I jump off fucking bridges when I’m sad.

---
---
Puhnan: 911, what’s your emergency?
Puhnan: What do you mean, you’re being murdered?
Puhnan: That’s illegal! People can’t do that!

---
---

Arthur: Francis, are you making a pass? Why do you always do this? Stop hitting on people!
Francis: But life is short, and I am handsome and French.

---
---

Karkat: I’m in love!
Jack: How long have you’ve known them?
Karkat: Cosmically, it feels like we’ve been intertwined–
Jack: How long though?
Karkat: It feels like forever.
Jack: How many hours?
Karkat:
Karkat: Seven.

---
---

John : So, I get to give you two a painful forfeit !
Terezi : Yeah, come on, get over with it !
John : Okay, so... Karkat, you have to eat a piece of cake. And Terezi, you have to count to ten !
Karkat, whispering to Terezi : God he is so fucking bad at this.

---
---

Daria: Darren, you look really good in that outfit.
Darren, making a peace sign: Lit.
Daria: What?
Darren: I don’t know, it’s what young people do when they don’t know how to respond.

(Later)

Vincent: Daria, I think you are a good dancer.
Daria:
Daria, making a peace sign: Illuminated.

Sylan, observing the teachers from afar: Hah, idiots.
Milo: Hey, Sylan, you look great today!
Sylan:
Sylan: Dank.

---
---

Daria: Lovino, you’re incomparable.
Daria: Like a...
Daria:
Daria:
Daria:

---
---

Kenneth: You seriously need to relax.
Alfred, in the middle of a mental breakdown: But how can ice cream be birthday cake flavor if birthday cake can be ANY flavor?!?!?!?!

---
---

Sylan: Haha, goodbyes are so awkward. Like, do I go in for a kiss, or what?
McDonald’s employee: Please just take your food.

---
---

Dave: I'mma toast you so bad even your mom won’t recognize you!
John: Oh yeah? Well I heard your cousin started drinking again!
Dave: ...
Dave: *sobbing*
John: Oh... so when you’re smack talking it’s not supposed to be true?
Karkat, comforting Dave: No.

---
---

Francis: Subs are so fun to be with. All you have to do is hint at what you might do, or back them into a corner with a look, or grab their wrist in a certain way and they’re a wide-eyed mess.
Matthias: The fuck kinda Subway are you going to?
Kiku: Substitute teachers deal with so much trouble...

---
---

Chloé: I can’t believe you guys broke the bed!
Chloé: You two must have gone /wild/ last night!
Dirk: Uh, yeah...
-Flashback to the night before-
Dirk: Hey Jake, bet you can’t jump high enough to touch the ceiling!
Jake: THE FUCK I CAN’T! YOU’RE ON!!!