Incorrect quote:
An internet trend of putting real people or (more often) fictional characters into dialogue, often from other sources such as shows, films, or Tumblr text posts. These quotes are almost always comedic.
Example:
Person A: Is there a word that’s a mix between angry and sad?
Person B: Malcontent, disgruntled, miserable, desolated.
Person C: Smad.

Membres d'Ilukaan et adeptes du shitposting, vous l'attendiez, pour certains, je l'ai promis et il est là.

Enjaillez vous.

Francis: How’s the most beautiful person in the universe doing?
Arthur: I don’t know, how are-
Lance, from the other side of the room: I’m doing great!

________________________________________

Matthias: ATTENTION!
Berwald: What now, Matthias?
Matthias: I don’t know. I just need attention.

_________________________________________

Alfred: I mean, small animals are way more vicious. It’s because their anger has less space to be bottled up in.
Kenneth: That’s ridiculous. Give me one example of this.
Milo: Spiders.
Alfred: Wasps.
Katie: Terriers.
Luciano: Karkat.

_________________________________________

[knock on the door]
Lance: You wanna get that?
Katie: And interact with people? No thanks.

_________________________________________

Alfred: Ok so I have this idea but one of us might get seriously injured.
Mads: That’s fucking stupid.
Mads: Let’s do it.

______________________________________________

Arthur: Francis and I don’t have pet names for each other.
Lance: Uh huh. Hey, you know what bees make, right?
Arthur: Honey?
Francis, from the other side of the room: Yes dear?
Lance: Never lie to my face again.

______________________________________________

Milo : Yeah, I looked both ways before crossing the street, I looked both ‘handsome’ and ‘radiant’. Too bad I got hit by that car.

YES

Celle là est une référence à PK mais je la trouve parfaite alors je la mets tbh, ceux qui étaient présents comprendront :

Keith: Ten years ago, I married my best friend, Erzsébet’s still mad about it but me and Gilbert were drunk and we thought it was funny.

________________________________________

Kenneth: Arthur, just say it, you’ll feel better. You’re in love with Francis.
Arthur: Forget it. You know what? You’re in love with Francis.
Kenneth: Oh okay, the middle school comeback? Nice.

________________________________________

Luciano: [ gets a bad idea ]
Luciano: Guys, great idea!

________________________________________

Francis: Listen up fives, a ten is speaking.

________________________________________


Matthias: I will now drink eight glasses of milk in three minutes.
Berwald: Nope, no you won’t, because if you do that, you will die.


Je pourrais faire ça pendant des heures tbh

Kenneth : Bro.
Lance : What bro ?
Kenneth : Tell the whole world we're bros
Lance : -whispers- we're bros ...
Kenneth : Why'd you whisper bro ?
Lance : Because you're my whole world bro
Kenneth : Bro.
______________________________________

Mads, introducing Berwald to his family : This is my ex-boyfriend, Berwald
Berwald, to Mads : I told you to stop calling me that.
Berwald : I am his husband.
______________________________________

Alfred : Hey Francis, are you free on friday ? Like, around 8pm on friday ?
Francis : Yes ?
Alfred : What about you ?
Arthur : Yes, i am.
Alfred : Great ! Because i'm not. You two go out without me. Enjoy your date.
Francis : Did he just-

Mads: *goofing around*
Berwald: I swear, I’m gonna sell you on Ebay

_____________

Feliciano: You look beautiful today.
Cirilla: Thank-
Feliciano: Ha! April Fool’s!
Feliciano: You look beautiful every day!

_____________

Francis: Arthur, what’s your last name?
Arthur: It hasn’t changed since we met…
Francis, getting down on one knee: Maybe it’s time it does.

_____________

Arthur: But Kiku, look at you! Always working… What happened to my fun lieutenant?
Kiku: Fun? I was never fun, you take that back!

_____________

Karkat: [coughs violently]
Dave: don’t die.
Karkat: DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.

_____________

Francis: I knew from the day I met you that you’d be a pain in the ass.
Francis: But then I realized I wanted you to be a pain in my ass.
Arthur: *spits out coffee*
Arthur, indignantly: What do you mean you knew I'd be a pain in the ass?!

_____________

Kenneth: Have you been drinking again?
Arthur: I don't even drink!
Kenneth: Then what was THIS doing in your room?! [holds up a bottle of water]
Arthur: We need water to live!
Kenneth: Not in my damn house!

Francis: Hello?
Killer: I see you.
Francis:
Killer:
Francis: Do I look good?

_____________

Alfred: That's one of my greatest fears.
Luciano: What is?
Alfred: If I ever, like, woke up as a doughnut...
Luciano: You would eat yourself.
Alfred: I wouldn't even question it.

_____________

(one day...)
Karkat: *throwing open the door*
Karkat: So you two ARE having sex!
Francis and Arthur: *sitting on the bed, reading books*
Arthur: We are? Francis, why didn’t you tell me? I would have put my book down.

_____________

(after looking for Minou le Terrible)
Yennefer: Did you kids get enough sleep?
Feliciano:
Kiku:
Cirilla:
Vincent:
Feliciano: Sometimes my eyes close when I sneeze.

_____________

Karkat: [realizing he’s in love with Dave]
Karkat: Who the fuck authorised this?

_____________

Gabriel: *carrying a bathbomb, a pink lemonade, and a handful of cosmic brownies toward the bathroom*
Jesse: *raises an eyebrow*
Gabriel: *glares* Don’t judge me.

_____________

Milo: Could you be quiet? I'm trying to think.
Oliver: Don't worry, doing anything for the first time is difficult.

_____________

Karkat: so what you’re saying is you want to be closer to Francis, but you don’t actually want him around.
Arthur: …
Arthur: yes.

_____________

Berwald: i hope you know what you’re doing.
Matthias: yeah, me too.

_____________

Alfred: I need to get something off my chest.
Luciano: Is it your shirt? Please say yes.

Lance, texting: Hey r u awake? Wanna come over and learn the dance to ‘bet on it’ from HSM2?
Mabel: dude it’s 2am
Lance: so???
Mabel: we both have school tmrw morning??
Lance: so???? Mab…
Mabel: okay yeah omw
________________________________________

Kenneth: Do you think pigeons get songs stuck in their heads?
Oliver: Oh my god. I don’t know. Go to sleep.
________________________________________

Cirilla: You’re so cute!
Karkat: I am NOT CUTE! I am full of RAGE!
________________________________________

Luciano: My head hurts.
Karkat: That’s your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity.
________________________________________

Gabriel: What’s this?
Francis: It’s my to-do list.
Gabriel: It’s just a piece of paper with my name on it.
Francis: …
Gabriel: …
________________________________________

Yennefer: What did you get for number 12?
Jesse: I got 18.
Mabel: Oh, I got 9.5.
Lance: I got Abraham Lincoln… for some reason.
________________________________________

Kenneth: Do you ever feel bugs on you when there are no bugs?
Wendy: They’re the ghosts of the bugs that you’ve killed.
Kenneth: fUCK
________________________________________

Dave: Just be yourself. Say something nice.
Karkat: Which one? I cant do both.
________________________________________

Karkat: I bet Francis likes BDSM.
Feliciano: What’s BDSM?
Kenneth, yelling: BIBLE DISCUSSION AND STUDY MEETINGS.
________________________________________

Karkat: I’m trying to stop being a hater but it’s just so hard…… when there are so many things…. that need my hate.


J'aime bien Karkat. Ssshhhh.

[on the first date]
Francis: Baby, you look ravishing this evening.
Arthur, still not used to the idea of dating with Francis : Baby, all your facial parts they're...in the right spots.

_______________

Alfred: There’s three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, and the Jones way.
Ciri: Isn’t that also the wrong way?
Afred: Yeah, but it’s faster.

_______________

Feli: Is anyone else scared?
Kenneth: Not really. I've already lived longer than I expected.

_______________

Arthur: I’d date you.
Francis: What?
Arthur: I SAID I HATE YOU!!

_______________

Dave: Luciano, you gotta find out if he's in the same place you are. Otherwise, it's just a moo point.
Luciano: A moo point?
Dave: Yeah. It's like a cow's opinion. It just doesn't matter. It's moo.
Luciano: Have I been living with him too long or did that all just make sense?

_______________

Luciano: I really need to organize my thoughts.
Karkat: Your thoughts? Plural?

_______________

Jesse: How do we usually get out of these messes?
Gabriel: We don’t. We just make a bigger mess that cancels the first one out.

_______________

Arthur: Boyfriend? I don’t wanna be Francis’ boyfriend.
Karkat: Well, what do you want then?
Arthur: I don’t know. I just wanna be with him. All the time. I want to hear about his day and to tell him about mine. I want to hold his hand and smell his hair. I don’t want to be his stupid boyfriend.

_______________

Karkat: Are you gay?
Dave: No, I'm not gay!
Karkat: But you just kissed me!
Dave: ...Okay, I'm gay

_______________

Feli: Just play cool, don't Kiku-out about it.
Kiku: Did you just use my name as a verb?
Feli: Oh, yeah, we do that behind your back. "Kiku-out": to overthink. Also see "Kiku-up". "Kiku-up": to overthink with disastrous results. Sample sentence: "Ciri Kiku-up when she tried--"
Kiku: Okay, I get it!

_______________

["What do you consider your best quality?"]
Ciri: Well, I'm a real people person !
Karkat: I don't answer stupid questions.
Feli: I speak Italian !
Francis: My eyes. Oh, and I guess my butt, too.

_______________

Dave: I just poured apple juice in the washing machine. Sometimes I think I’m an idiot.
Karkat: Oh I do that all the time.
Dave: What? Put your apple juice in the washing machine?
Karkat: No, think you’re an idiot.

_______________

Oliver: Did you hear that? It sounded like...despair.
Milo: It’s probably me.
Oliver: No, no, not bitterness. Despair.

_______________

Dirlo: I am going to give you a quest.
Gabriel: Why?
Dirlo: Because of all the good work you’ve done.
Gabriel: I have the lowest success record of anyone here.
Dirlo: That’s… no, no, it’s not about numbers, Gabriel. It’s about attitude.
Gabriel: I have the worst attitude of any person here.

_______________

Francis: Help me with this crossword puzzle. I need an four-letter word for disappointment.
Karkat: Dave.
Francis: ...It fits.

__________________________________________________

Jsp si c'est correct, mais dans ma tête, les choix sont parfaitement logiques /PAN/

Alfred : Hey
Arthur : Hey ?
Alfred : I can't sleep *:(*
Arthur : I can. Goodnight.

Traduction:

*

Karkat : I'm going to play a song for you right now.
Dave : Ok...
Karkat : It's called « My life so far ».
Karkat : *takes a deep breath, plays a chord*
Karkat : *screams*

Traduction:

*

Alfred : I just want to be friends.
Luciano : Good.
Alfred : Plus a little extra.
Alfred : Also, I love you.

Traduction:

*

Karkat : When I first met you, I did not like you.
Luciano : I'm aware of that.
Karkat : But then you and I had some time together.
Luciano : Uh-huh...
Karkat : It did not get better.

Traduction:

Karkat: Arthur, your boyfriends on the phone.
Arthur: Francis is NOT my boyfriend.
Arthur, on the phone: Hey, babe.

***

Arthur: There’s something I’ve always wanted to tell you and I think you’re ready to hear it.
Francis: Yeah?
Arthur: You’re not very pretty, and you’re not very bright.
Francis:
Arthur: Oh, I’m so glad we had that talk.

***

Milo: Am I cool or what?
Oliver: What.
Milo: I said, am I cool or-
Oliver: Yeah, I heard you.

***

Kenneth: Hey, I heard you like bad boys.
Mabel: Not really.
Kenneth: Oh, thank the stars.

***

Francis: Is this about me?
Kenneth: No.
Francis: Then I've lost interest.

***

Arthur: I'm sorry for all the stuff I said.
Francis: And for punching me in the face?
Arthur: No, you definitely deserved that.

***

Karkat: You know how some girls say "I just like you as a friend"?
Luciano: Yeah.
Karkat: I don't even like you that way.

***

Kenneth: How many people have you been with?
Francis: 17...
Kenneth: Only seventeen?
Francis:
Kenneth: 1,700?
Francis:
Kenneth: 17,000?!

***

Vincent: I am a father.
Yennefer: It's a cat.
Vincent: He's my blood!

***

Vincent: You know, I had a cat who died.
Sasori: Don't compare my parents to your cat.

***

Francis: You have to apologize to Gabriel.
Kenneth: Unfuck you, or whatever.

***

Francis: Someone’s coming here. Someone you don’t like.
Karkat: That could be anybody.

***

Dave: I made you this friendship bracelet.
Karkat: I’m not really a jewelry person.
Dave: You don’t have to wear it.
Karkat: No, I’m gonna wear it forever. Back off.

***

Luciano: Will you marry me?
Alfred: Like...as friends?

***

Katie: Lance, you're blocking the view.
Lance: Please, I am the view.

***

Kenneth: U okay?
Mabel, crying: Yeah it was just these onions.
Kenneth, to onions: What the fuck did u say to my girlfriend?

***

Kiku: Arthur, let’s play marry, fuck, kill.
Arthur: Okay.
Kiku: Francis—
Arthur: Francis.
Kiku: I wasn’t—
Arthur: Francis. All of them. Final answer.

***

Kiku: Go tell him he’s cute. What’s the worst that could happen?
Arthur: He could hear me.

***

Arthur: Do you want some advice?
Alfred: No.
Arthur: Kind of makes me want to give it to you even more.

***

Minou le Terrible, Fils de Zeus, Conquérant des Terres Septentrionales, Terreur des Sept Mers, sneezes:
Vincent, bangs fist on table: too
Vincent, slams head into door: friggin
Vincent, throws his deputy headmaster out window: CUTE

***

Luciano: I’ve been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for, like, 4 years now. No response.
Alfred: Wow. They sound stupid. Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don’t know… “Hey! I love you!”
Luciano: I guess you’re right. Alfred, I love you.
Alfred: See! Just say that!
Luciano: Holy fucking shit.
Alfred: If that flies over their head then, sorry Luciano, but they’re too dumb for you.

***

Arthur: So I can either bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute.
Kiku: Arthur, nO THAT IS NOT HOW YOU BAKE COOKIES.
Arthur: FLOOR IT?
Kiku: ARTHUR NO.
Arthur: HOW ABOUT 4,000,000 DEGREES FOR 1 SECONDS.
Kiku: ARTHUR YOU ARE GOING TO BURN THE SCHOOL DOWN!
Arthur: I'M GOING TO HARNESS THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES!
Kiku: ARTHUR PLEASE.

***

Dave: *kisses Karkat*
Karkat: what is this?
Dave: affection
Karkat: disgusting
Karkat:
Karkat: do it again

***

Alfred: Why do I never see baby pigeons?
Arthur: Because the parents are smart enough to hide their babies from you.

***

Feliciano: I like my coffee as dark and bitter as my soul.
Cirilla: So, white chocolate latte?

***

Mabel: Isn’t there really anyone who isn’t homosexual?
Kenneth: *raises hand*
Lance : *puts down Kenneth’s hand*

***

Berwald: Don’t do anything stupid.
Matthias: You and I both know that’s asking to much of me.

someday i'll stop
Today is not that day.


Kenneth: I’m 80% muscle 20% power and 100% badass.
Arthur: That’s 200%.
Kenneth: I’m twice the man you’ll ever be.

***

Matthias: Anybody under 5'7 cant be talking about fighting anyone. Like, what are you gonna do? Headbutt someone in the nipples?
Karkat: Say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole.

***

Arthur: Yeah, well, I hate you.
Francis: No you don’t.
Arthur: No, I don’t.

***

Kenneth: If it excites you and scares the hell out of you, you should probably do it.
Matthias: Time to fuck a blender.
Kenneth: Wait no.

***

Mabel: Please? For me?
Gabriel: Don’t do that.
Mabel: What?
Gabriel: You think everytime you say “Please? For me?” I’ll do whatever you want. Well not this time.
Mabel: ……
Mabel: Please? For me?
Gabriel: Okay.

***

Alfred: Remember that time you dared me to lick the swingset?
Arthur: No, I said “Alfred, don’t lick the swingset.” and then you said “Don’t tell me what to do Arthur.” and then you licked the swingset.

***

Oliver [walks into room]: Sorry I was late, I was… doing things.
Milo [enters room, looking noticably disheveled]: HE PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKING STAIRS

***

Karkat: *points to Luciano* Fuck you.
Karkat: *points to Alfred* Fuck you.
Karkat: *points to Dave* Fuck me.
Karkat: *points to Feliciano* Fuck you.

***

Luciano: My boyfriend is to tall for me to kiss him on the lips. What should I do?
Gabriel: Punch him in the stomach, then, when he doubles over in pain, kiss him.
Jesse: Tackle him.
Wendy: Kick him in the shin.
Alfred: NO TO ALL OF THOSE. JUST ASK ME TO LEAN DOWN.

***

Kiku: You’re smiling, did something happen?
Arthur: Can’t I smile just because I feel like it?
Kenneth: Francis tripped and fell in the parking lot.

***

Alfred: You’re so dramatic!
Francis [with a rose between his lips, throwing glitter around, dressed in evening wear during the day, draping himself across a piano]: I have no idea what youre talking about.

***

Gabriel: Kenneth and Mabel? I don’t see it.
Jesse:
Gabriel: Oh, God, now I see it
Jesse:
Gabriel: Jesse, I can’t stop seeing it.

***

Milo (standing on top of a building): I’m gonna jump!
Karkat: Do a flip!

***

Lance: I could run a marathon right now
Berwald: it’s literally 2am
Lance: I peak at 2am you should know this

***

Kenneth: What if soy milk is just milk introducing itself in spanish?
Oliver: Kenneth, i’m literally about to fall asleep. i don’t need this kind of shit.

***

Karkat: Since it’s impossible to know which part of my life is the middle,
Karkat: I’ve decided to have an ongoing crisis.

My little favourite

Kiku : If you bite it and you die, it's poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it's venomous
Feli : What if it bites me and it dies ?
Kiku : That means you're poisonous, Jesus Christ, Feliciano, learn to read.
Luciano : What if it bites itself and I die ?
Kiku : It's... voodoo ?
Alfred : What if it bites me and someone else dies ?
Kiku : That's... correlation, not causation
Francis : What if we bite each other and neither of us die ?
Kiku :
Francis :
Kiku :
Francis : That's kinky.

Dave : If I could imagine any of my friends murdering me-
Karkat : I can imagine one of your friends murdering you
Dave : Is it you?
Karkat : …
Karkat : No

*

Alfred : What does a blanket say when it falls off of the bed?
Arthur : …
Alfred : OH SHEET

*

Alfred : The risk I took was calculated. But man, am I bad at maths.

*

Alfred : I can do this, I'm an American, not an American't!
Mads : You're an Amerishouldn't.

*

Mads: I would like everyone to take a moment to think back to a time where they did something stupid, how they were treated, and how they wish they were treated-
Berwald : What did you do?

*

Vincent : You’ve given me so many scars but I still love you.
Vincent : This may sound troubled or deep but I’m just talking about my cat.

*

Kiku : So how did your date go?
Arthur : I tried to compliment him by saying "you have a nice smile and beautiful eyes".
Kiku : Aw that’s sweet, what went wrong?
Arthur : I panicked and just said "you have eyes".

*

Alfred : I sort of messed something up and I need your advice, but I don't want any judgement or criticism.
Arthur : And you came to me?

*

Oliver : How many times do I have to apologise for that?
Milo : Once would be nice!
Oliver :
Oliver : No.

*

Alfred: How's the world's most beautiful man feeling today?
Luciano : I don't know, how are you?
Alfred : F-fine

*

Dave : You've done something different with your face. I can't put a finger on it, but there's something definitely different with-
Karkat : What?
Cirilla : He's smiling at you.

*

Gabriel : Do you ever feel like you're being watched ?
Francis : All the time. When you look this good, you have to get used to it.

*

Wendy : Due to circumstances beyond my control-
Mabel : Impulsivity and inattention to details.

Karkat : Dave and I have this kind of chemistry where we finish each other's-
Dave : Sentences.
Karkat : Don't interrupt me.
___________

Kiku : I can be dynamic.
Kiku : Exclamation point.
Everyone :
___________

Dave : I knew it. I knew your were a big softy
Karkat : You tell anyone, I break your face
___________

Alfred : Arthur, I screwed up big time
Arthur : Alfred, given your daily life experience, you'll have to be more specific
___________

Kiku : Arthur, keep an eye on Francis today. He's gonna say something to the wrong person and get himself punched
Arthur : Sure, I'd love to see Francis get punched
Kiku : Try again
Arthur : I will stop Francis from getting punched

Jack: You’d do that for me?
Gabe: I’d do a lot of things to you.
Jack: For - For me.
Gabe: Yeah, that too.

____________

Francis: Are you a big spoon or a little spoon?
Karkat: I’m a knife.
Dave, from another room: He’s a little spoon!

____________

Francis: Being gay isn’t a choice.
Francis, pointing to Arthur: it’s a game and I’m winning.

____________

Kenneth: The stars are beautiful.
Mabel: You know who’s even more beautiful?
Kenneth: :)
Mabel: Mr.cat.

____________

Mikasa, on Karkat’s birthday: Okay, make a wish!
Karkat: *blows out candles*
Karkat: I wish you all would leave.

____________

Karkat: So, this is the group. The three of us. Do we need a name?
Star: Star and the Cuties!!!
Mikasa: Eh, I don't think we need a name.

____________

Jesse: I’ll be there there for you.
Hanzo: *Raises eyebrows*
Jesse: Genji said I have to.

____________

Luciel: And last but not least, my lucky hat.
Alfred: What's so lucky about it?
Lucial: Once, when I was wearing this hat, everyone I knew gave me a present.
Luciano: That was your birthday.

____________

Gabe: I know you think my judgements clouded because I like him a little bit.
Jesse: You doodled your wedding invitation.
Gabe: That was our joint tombstone.
Jesse: My mistake.

____________

Milo: I never brag
Kardia: You once called your face ‘proof of god’s existence’

Yennefer : I don’t dress to impress, I dress to depress. I wanna look so good that people hate themselves 



Yennefer: Can humans even wake up at six in the morning?
Vincent: No, we're meeting at 6 am
Vincent: So you'd have to wake up at around 5.
Yennefer: There are things that are humanely impossible.



Yennefer: You need them to think that you’re stronger than you actually are.
N'importe quel autre prof: That’s what you do.
Yennefer: Me? Oh no. My power is no illusion. I can fucking demolish you.



Karkat pointing Luciano : Fuck you.
Karkat pointing Feliciano : Fuck you.
Karkat pointing Cirilla : Fuck you.
Karkat pointing Dave : Fuck me.



Alfred : Arthur told me I was immature.
Francis : And what did you respond?
Alfred : I couldn't say anything. I was chewing 47 gummy bears.



Wendy : They say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.



Hanzo : I spy with my little eye something that starts with ‘S.’
Jesse : Sunshine?
Hanzo : No.
Jesse : [looks over and sees Gabriel and Jack arguing]
Jesse : Sexual tension?



Kenneth : Oh, I’m a miserable failure.
Yennefer : Yeah, you are.
Kenneth : I’ve completely failed at life.
Yennefer : Yeah, you have.
Kenneth : I could use some words of encouragement right now!
Yennefer : Yeah, you could.



Matthias: [thinking intensely]
Berwald: What’s wrong?
Matthias: Shaggy and Scooby always run away side-by-side when fleeing in terror from a monster. If a Great Dane’s running speed is 30-40 mph, that means Shaggy can run the same speed. This means that Shaggy is the fastest human alive beating Usian Bolt’s top speed of 27 mph.
Kenneth : You fucking fool. You’re assuming Scooby is running at top speed instead of slowing down for his good friend and pal, Shaggy. How did you not think of this? You fucking fool.

Bon j'en ai qu'un mais ok.

Hanzo : Good night Jesse.
Jesse : ...
Hanzo : McCree* sorry, autocorrect.
Jesse : This is a verbal conversation.

Je me suis amusée j'avoue TOUT.


Arthur: It's one school year. What are you afraid's gonna happen?
Gabriel: Injury. Death. General calamity.

Jesse: See that eye roll? It translates to" "How am I possibly hands off you, Jesse?"
Hanzo: Yeah, keeping them from strangling you.

Jesse: [does stupid shit]
Gabriel: [contributes significantly to have the shit done]
Jack: professor do i need my parents signatures allowing me to commit murder?

Lucio: So, how's the prettiest person i the world doing today?
Luciel: I dont know, Lucio, how are you?
Lucio: *voice cracking* ..........IM FINE-

Gabriel: Okay kids, the turkey's done.
Jesse, Mabel, Genji and Karkat: ???
Lance: *opens mouth to say something but is stopped immediately*
Gabriel: Before you ask, yes it's ramen in the shape of a turkey and no we cant afford a turkey.

Gabriel: Jesse, get up, you're being lazy.
Jesse: Lazy is suck a strong word. I like to call it "selective participation".
Gabriel:
Gabriel: idiot is such a weak word, i prefer to call it, Jesse.

Genji: *loses himself in a crowd*
Genji: it's ok, we all lose ourselves in this world sometimes. I got this.
Genji: *walks past a mirror*
Genji: there i am.

Mabel: *in a crows and can't find Gabriel* man i really dont want to do this but---
Mabel: *uses hands as a megaphone* MABEL IS A BITCH!
Gabriel: *from across the battlefield* what the FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY
Mabel: There we go.

*at a club*
some guy: Hey babe put your number in my phone
Genji: *takes phone*
Genji: *opens pokemon go*
Genji: *gives myself all the pokemon*
Genji: *hands back phone and runs away*
Genji: Team rocket's blasting off again!!!

Jesse: I'm scared
Jack: Gabe said go to bed.
Jesse: But there's a monster under my bed!
Jack: Is it scarier than Gabe?
Jesse: ...
Jesse: *goes back to bed*

(pour le drama fruk)
Arthur : I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff
Kiku : I witnessed the dumb stuff
Francis : I joined you in the dumb stuff
Karkat: I TRIED TO STOP YOU IDIOTS FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF !!

__________________

Francis: Tell her about the birds and the bees. ;D
Kenneth, to Mabel: They're disappearing at an alarming rate !

__________________

Arthur : When you said "magical in bed", this isn't exactly what I was expecting-
Francis : *holds up 8 of hearts* Is this your card?
Arthur : *softly* Holy shit.

__________________

Isaac : Why must you always attack me with your words?
Karkat : Would you rather me use rocks?

__________________

Alfred : I have invited 17 people to come and watch a movie, would you come?
Mads : Sure! But why so many people?
Alfred : Because the DVD said only 18+ viewers.
Mads : Wait… what?

__________________

Karkat : Alright, Dave, pay attention. I have an announcement to make and I only have two minutes.
Dave : Why? Are you in a hurry?
Karkat : No, I was referring to your relatively short attention spans.

__________________

Teacher : What was the best advice your friends have given you?
Hanzo : Uhhh…
{Flashback}
Gabe : If Genji ever says “I know what I’m doing”, run.

__________________

Dave : Still short, I see.
Karkat : Still pretending that you’re not hopelessly in love with me, I see.

__________________

Milo : Mind if I join you?
Luciano : On many levels and with great intensity.

Alfred: Would you date a man that’s shorter than you?
Morgan: No.
Alfred: That’s kinda shallow.
Morgan: I’m gay, Alfred.

*

Luciano, wearing Alfred's glasses: How do I look?
Alfred, squinting: I have no idea.

*

Dave: Karkat gave me a get better soon card
Ciri: That’s sweet!
Dave: No. I wasn’t sick, he just thought I could do better

*

Berwald: Are you sure that’s a wise idea?
Mads: I’ve never had a wise idea in my life and never will

*

Arthur: Can you turn the lights on?
Francis: I don't have to. You're the only light i need in my life.
Arthur: Francis, I can't see

*

Dave: What’s the phobia of being murdered?
Karkat: Common sense

*

Jesse: Hey Shimada, can you hold this for me?
Hanzo: That’s your hand.
Jesse: Yeah.

*

Alfred: Why is Dave carrying around a potted plant?
Karkat: He asked too many stupid questions today so I'm making him carry that to make up for all the oxygen he wasted.

*

Mabel: Can I get some advice?
Morgan: I’m not great at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

*

Gabriel: What’s the worst decision you’ve ever made while you were drunk?
Jack: Don’t mean to brag but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.

*

Milo: Met a dumbass today, awfull
Oliver: You looked in a mirror?
Milo: Someday you’ll have to answer for your actions and god may not be so merciful

*

Arthur: Yeah, well, I hate you.
Francis: No you don’t.
Arthur, bitterly: No, I don’t.

*

Kenneth: All of my sweaters are disappearing. It’s weird
Mabel: [wearing Kenneth’s sweater] Yeah, spooky

*

Kenneth: My day was just made
Keith: What kind of dog was it?

*

Dave: I love you. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.
Karkat: I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to you?
Dave: Yes.
Karkat: … Now I’m just starting to feel sorry for you. But I love you too.

Jesse : How do I look, Hanzo ?
Hanzo : With your eyes, Mccree.

XX

Lance: I sort of did something and I need your advice, but I don’t want any judgement or criticism
Katie : And you came to me ?

XX

Mabel : [doing something badass]
Kenneth : that’s my girlfriend !
Keith : Your wife, Kenny
Kenneth : Even better !

XX

Renji : Wow, Byakuya is really that pretty
Damen: Don't be jealous, Renji. You're pretty too
Renji : I'm not being jealous. I'm being gay

XX

Thandi : Tomi is cute. I think i wanna ask him out.
Keith, thinking about the night before when a slightly drunk Tomi was standing on the table and screaming that worms are just tiny, harmless snakes: Good, because I’m positive nobody else does.

XX

Dave: Isaac, keep an eye on Karkat today. He’s gonna say something to the wrong person and get punched.
Isaac: Sure! I’d love to see Karkat get punched!
Dave : Try again
Isaac : I’ll stop Karkat from getting punched.
Dave : Correct.

XX

Francis : I can’t believe you and Mads broke the bed last night.
Kenneth : It must have been wild.
Berwald : Haha... Yeah...
[Last Night]
Mads : Bet you can’t jump high enough to touch the ceiling.
Berwald : Try me.

XX

Gabe : There’s nothing better than Jack
Jesse : Two Jack
Gabe : You’re right. i’ve been a fool.

XX

Arthur : What the fuck ?
Francis : You’ll have to be more specific, I do a lot of “What the fuck” kind of stuff

XX

Lance, before doing something stupid : and how are you gonna stop me ?
Keith Kogane : we’ll call Hunk
Lance :
Lance : Dammit.

XX

Renji : I’M TOO HOT
Renji : [points at Byakuya]
Renji : :D
Renji : :D
Renji : :D
Byakuya : [sighs]
Byakuya, monotone with deadpan expression: hot damn
Renji : CALL THE POLICE AND THE FIREMEN

XX

Alfred : I did a bad thing
Arthur : Does it affect me ?
Alfred : No
Arthur : Then suffer in silence

XX

Keith : I only feel one emotion and it's anger
Mabel : Last night you texted me like a hundred heart emojis
Keith : Out of angers.

XX

Kenneth : I have an idea, but I’m gonna need your permission.
Keith : Why would you need my permission?
Kenneth : Because if I mess it up, I don’t it to just be my fault

Francis : The stars are beautiful tonight.
Francis : You know who else is beautiful?
Arthur, blushing : Who?
Francis : Me.

*

Morgan : Wow, that girl is so pretty.
Alfred : Don't be jealous, Morgan, you're pretty too.
Morgan : I wasn't being jealous, I was being gay.

*

Alfred, to Luciano: How’s the most beautiful man in the world today?
Francis, from across the room: I’m great, thanks for asking.

*

Luciano: I am such an idiot.
Karkat:
Luciano:
Karkat:
Luciano:
Karkat: If you’re waiting for me to disagree with you, it’s going to be a long night.

*

Milo : These are my friends. I've known them for twelve hours!

*

Kenneth: You’re like an angel with no wings.
Mabel : So like a person.

Dave: You need a hobby.
Karkat: I have a hobby.
Dave: Being angry isn't a hobby.

---

Mads: When two people like eachother, they put their mouths together. And depending on how much you like them, the longer the kiss. Sometimes for hours.
Ciri: *groans* Disgusting. Killing sounds easier.

Alfred: Luciano, why are you so stuffed up?
Luciano: I’m allergic to dumb
Karkat: wow. I didn’t know you could be alergic to yourself

---

Mab: You believe me?
Keith: Mab, you’re the last good person on this planet. I’d believe cartoon birds did your hair this morning.

---

Angela: why are people so obsessed with top or bottom? i'd be excited just to have a bunk bed
Jack:
Jesse:
Hanzo:
Jesse: i'm gonna tell her
Jack & Hanzo: don't you dare

---

Kenny: Mab, ask me why i love you
Mab:
Kenny:
Mab:
Kenny:
Mab: *sighs dramatically* okay. Kenny why do you lo…
Kenny : *grins*
Kenny: *takes out 598686 document pages*
Kenny: *pulls out a laptop with a power point presentation with 500 slides*
Kenny: *taps on a microphone*
Kenny: THOUGHT YOU MIGHT NEVER ASK BUT HERE WE ARE.

---

[at Disneyland on the teacup ride]
Byakuya: *spinning calmly, enjoying his ride in peace*
Renji and Morgan: *flying past him, spinning as fast as they can, screaming*

---

Mads: Hey Berwald, babe, check your phone for a surprise ;)
Berwald: *looks* You didn’t send me anything.
Mads: Wait what do you mea—
Kenny: *in the distance* WHAT THE FU C K MADS
Mads: sH I T